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  • sitting bull 3:48 on 2018-08-04 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: anger, conspiracy, dilemma, , family problems, frustration, hate, killing, madness, pathology, psychology, resentment, revenge, shift in consciousness, spiritual awakening, the matrix,   

    The curses of spiritual awakening 

    People advertise for their believes, because allies strengthen abstract concepts.
    So religious people, Vegans, health-and sports gurus, or spiritual newcomers are on their “missions” to push their agenda onto others and persist despite lacks of success – simply in order to be “good” – usually by praising how beautiful their new-found ways would be.

    Yet the reality usually is very different: Hardly anyone has a constant happy and fulfilled lifestyle and even the greatest motivators or masters can contract any kind of disease or die at any time and often the most celebrated and admired people have huge issues – all of which is usually dismissed with the Jokers of unexplainable “Karma” or “Fate”.

    So why are especially people who work so hard to better themselves and the world often the ones who are laughed at most for not succeeding in what they preach or long for?

    The answer lies in the shift of consciousness:
    In music, 2 notes which are close together are called a second and usually sound rough,
    the further away a note moves from the base note, the better it sounds – a fifth (which is called “Quint”) for example is 5 notes higher and can provide a quintessence, and when the same note is reached again, things harmonise on a higher octave:

    The same aplies to rythms, or colors for example: unvafoable colors can clash
    and often oppistes one match better (which is a reason for different kinds of people having a relationship).

    So when someone awakens spiritually the person evolves out of the tribal mentality as Carolyn Myss explains it very well, there will be a huge friction – not only because of frictions in (color- or sound-)vibrations, but also,
    because the surrounding one grew into does everything possible to keep one at bay in order to ensure everyones continued participation in it and therewith strengthening the tribe.

    Especially family problems are a classic issue which make spiritual seekers look like eccentric black sheep,
    who compensate for their inability to conform with “outlandish” hopes and projections onto forces which literally are “out of this (material) world”.

    The realm of super-heroes satisfies that huge need (especially of not acknowledged teenagers)  and pacifies most materialists by giving them a way to let off some steam through comix or movies.

    Yet there also are real miracles (the ones which usually are dismissed and simply accepted as unexplainable), which justify a life-long search for a higher purpose of genuine seekers who are not content of merely playing along for the sake of fitting in(to a much to tight jacket).

    It usually just takes only one glimpse of what is dismissed as “Alices wonderland”, such as a moment of understanding or a dream,
    to never wanting to buy into the illusion of Maya and play along with the brainwash pushed on us by greedy people in forms of advertised material needs.

    And if you are one of the people who “got it”, now you have the problem:
    By starting to question a few fundamental maximes you triggered an avalanche from without and within at the same time:
    The outer world will react to your “in-sights” with tremendous aversion for their world is literally rocked and your inner world also is shaken,
    because you start to see what kind of a fool you were for having slept for ages.

    This then will lead to a disaster of you becoming more and more sensitive, whilst your immediate surrounding will treat you with contempt, aggression and schadenfreude.
    It is shocking to see how most people will actually “kick a man when he is down” and not the least feel guilty about being responsible to have blood on their hands.
    The simple reason for them killing anything they don’t understand (as it is propagated in many alien-invasion and xenophobic mainstream movies) is their fear of the unknown fear of change and also their repression of own guilt.

    But as if that is not enough, the double bind now is that the spiritual seeker starts to understand wrongs in a total new way which, then will bring up a tremendous amount of anger and frustration whilst not even being able to express them to the perpetrators. Usually, attemps to work them out together constructively will only make things worse by aggravating others or making them look down on one for being weak.

    An example of such an insight can be the Freudian analysis of the ego:

    Let’s say that your parents did educate you about their moral values,
    so you try to live up to those in order to be a “good” person.
    This is called the superego.
    Your ego is your self (which you are working on in spirituality),
    and the Id are your lower needs and wishes (your inherited limbic desires).

    First the task seems in line with spiritual work (or one chooses the spirituality which matches the parental moral values) …

    … but once you wake up, some aspects arise which just don’t fit into the clear black & white straight forward goal anymore.
    What if in your meditation it comes up that your parents did not merely convey a clear moral goal to you, but also did condition you to adhere to their personal ID?

    One case could be the dogma to cherish the parents sentimentality and therewith not being able to live your own life (which could be a classic for Hellinger’s family therapy).

    A worse case would be any kind of violation (and I am not only talking about those dramatic sexual traumas, but also about much more often seen constant nagging dogmas such as political or religious believes which are enforced through guilt).

    Often when such insights come up they are “explained” to the brain as definite events (which may or not even have happened that way),
    or worse, are swallowed in a self-destructive or self-degrading obedience.
    This sarcastically does make the person with the connection to higher realities look like a neurotic conspiracy theorist

    • something which will turn the seeing accuser into an easy target to be ridiculed.

    In case you had such revelations here my strategic 2 cents for you:
    Since your intuition could be right, but your intellectual translation into the reason behind it wrong, I would suggest you to treat your insights with extreme caution and not accuse others, until you tested your theories a few times and they did prove to be right.
    Because if you only once were wrong, most listeners will loose faith in your judgement and if things go down bad, you might even end up having to apologise to someone whom you know is energetically the cause of your pain – just not in the way you portrayed it.

    Even more difficult is it in cases of family problems,
    because one has the same genes as the suppressors, so a conflict is nearly pre-programmed:
    2 similar characters repel each other, just as the same poles of a magnet do.

    So how can you get through the waking up from a fairy tale dream into a dormant nightmare?

    The first aid is to look at everything as a reflection of yourself and seeing yourself as the creator of your own world.
    This will re-impower you to have the ultimate tool for changing even the most adverse circumstances.

    So your parents could be seen not as your parents, but as your former self – whether it is in your genes or your previous lifes (however your belief-system works).
    In case you were entangled in a victim-consciousness (which is quite normal, because we are conditioned to have experienced parents as the ones holding the power), this will move you into an empowered position.

    However, since each coin holds two sides, there also is unfortunately a lesser pleasant side to this view because with great power comes great responsibility.
    So the next step is then is to acknowledge that if you are the creator, then you also have to be the creator of this mess you are in, so the best you can do is to relax into it and not fight it, because else you are fighting yourself.

    But this doesn’t mean to play the often propagated “love and peace” number and roll over like an obedient dog.
    In order to solve the dilemma of the dogma to revere your ancestors and to protect yourself from constant attacks, it is sometimes not bad to cut family ties for a while (either externally, or internally by doing a ritual).

    One ritual for example would be to visualise an umbilical chord between you and someone else and then cutting it with a sword in one hand and burning it with a torch in the other. This then will at least protect your tender soul for a while like a fence does protect a little plant until it grew stronger.

    Especially for sensitive spiritual people to cut ties seems totally contrary to their agenda to implement that “we all are one” into their lives, but it is a necessary step on the way to clearly distinguish the self from the non-self as the Indian term Viveka describes it.
    After all – each cell knows its place in the body, and it would be a disaster if your body could not clearly distinguish one from another.

    This is why people who are too good-hearted to confine themselves often are overweight and can not loose it, because they benevolently take on issues which are not necessary theirs. The lesson is clearly that the time has come to take care for oneself as much as was done for others.

    But after that insight the strategy is clear:
    Simply (any maybe literally) “sit this one out”, by meditating, contemplating and relaxing into it until the waves of those unpleasant vibration slowly calmed down again.
    First of all this will protect yourself and the surrounding from damage, and it also it will ensure a balanced way to slowly withdraw backwards, without loosing the compassion for the people we encounter,
    (whom we subconsciously know to have the exact same dilemmas as us).

    Us simply brushing them of could wipe them into the gutter of marginalisation, and it is no holistic solution to simply hop onto the bright side of life at the expense of others. After all, that is what they did and our task is to literally “rise above the occasion”.

    I once saw my life as a string with many knots in irregular intervals and I realised that each of those knots is unnecessary anger which mostly arouse from narrow-mindedness.

    So each time we observe one of those energetic knots and don’t put oil onto those flames our mind has the chance to expand so that those entanglements eventually dissolve themselves for being irrelevant.

    When we realise that the people who hurt us were very likely our former selves,
    most issues are a result of our own Karma of likely thousands of years,
    so don’t be surprised if it takes decades to solve them

    • after all this is fast in comparison of the time it took you to pile the issues on,

    and you are transforming hurtful misconceptions and therewith bettering the world.

    What we often perceive as a curse or as obstacles,
    may our souls way of spoon-feeding us the tasks to be resolved.

     
    • Amy 3:44 on 2018-08-05 Permalink | Reply

      Why is meditation touted as such a great thing for mental health when it has the potential to make you feel absolutely awful?

      Great article by the way.

      Like

      • sitting bull 0:07 on 2018-08-06 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you Amy,
        on my end communication is difficult right now, because I don’t get any notifications from wordpress and did not see yours for a while,
        and also, as I was typing a response to you and in the middle my computer crashed, so I had to start again. #mercuryRetrograde

        Your doubts regarding meditations are totally normal on the path of change, especially in our materialistic non-spiritual surrounding,
        and many people do resort to have contacts with people who condone ones needed comfort zone, just as regular drinkers do seek the company of other bar-visitors to get their absolution.

        On the other hand we also are drawn to get reaffirmations from fellow seekers, believers and practicioners, and then end up being a bit torn apart between our higher goals and lower needs.

        So I would recommend to you to observe really honestly if it is the meditation itself which does bring up the stuff, or whether your stuff is there lingering anyway and is merely brought to awareness by the meditation. I think it usually is a mix of both, because only the stuff which was there can be brought up.

        I myself do sometimes take a little break from meditating (except if I just did set up myself to do 40,90 or 120 days and thereafter restart fresh. Right now I am having one of those, and the interesting part is that I then see what did change and can observe further changes which still roll through me – but I don’t take breaks for too long, because Rudolf Steiner ones said that rhythm substitutes power just when riding a bike it is easier to keep going than stopping and starting again.

        In a way the answer to your question is very simple, because you somehow know that your soul longs for clarity and therewith a cleansing. It just sometimes can be overwhelming when you sweep your house and too much dust is brought up.
        I guess those are the times to “vent” a bit by bringing a bit of fresh air into your life by enjoying a bit of distraction like movies or doing things with your loved ones etc.

        What always brings me back to meditationis that if I don’t do it for a while I also observe that I get less cool, calm and collected.
        Meditation is a strange coin with two sides – on one hand it makes one serene, because one compresses issues into the morning-meditation-box,
        and on the other hand it does at the same time bring those issues up so one becomes more aware of them.

        But overall I myself don’t want to trade my clarity for the mainstram oblivion any longer, because I also see that this kind of dullness is what makes people controllable by them not seeing how they are dominated by other people – be it relatives or the tons of advertisors who fool our archetypal triggers into consumerism.

        Long story short: As long as you are honest to yourself your practice will regulate itself, because the insights you get from it will guide you.

        I hope this helps you to see and then follow your path.

        Like

    • Amy 2:42 on 2018-08-06 Permalink | Reply

      So then why continue? I want to feel better NOW, not the hope of feeling better years from now which may not happen?

      Like

      • sitting bull 5:49 on 2018-08-06 Permalink | Reply

        Yes Amy, since I totally can relate to this unbearable feeling, instead of a long answer, I wrote an article for you and anyone who also feels like you here:
        https://sodarshanchakrakriya.wordpress.com/2018/08/06/if-your-karma-seems-to-be-a-never-ending-pain/

        Like

      • sitting bull 12:02 on 2018-08-07 Permalink | Reply

        Actually, I just thought about your capital NOW, because a yoga teacher from India told me that he was inspired by Eckart Tolle’s “The power of now” book.
        Your comment is a brilliant example how we do carry our answers within our questions, because if there were an evolved master s/he probably would tell you to just observe this NOW you want to feel better in so that you get most out of it just as you get most out of a meal if you eat consciously.

        I think it is our ability to put aside personal dislikes in order to fully become aware of the NOW.
        #fakeItUntilYouMakeIt

        Like

  • sitting bull 23:44 on 2014-12-14 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: border-liner, cutting, depression, frustration, mass-murderer, serial-killer, troll   

    The spiral into depression 

    You see any baby and everything seems fine, so you ask yourself how can some biographies turn into such a deep and unsolvable frustration ?This is a chronology about how things spiral down all the way – dedicated to sensitive teenagers on the verge of openness and disappointments.

    It all starts with the open-heartedness of a child – life just is;  you react openly to everything because you are truely honest, and to live means to be as you are, and express yourself.

    Then some impressions are forced upon you in various ways:(Let’s assume that would be you)
    First by your parents, then by others like your friends and it is refreshing to see how spontaneously kids react to confliccts – as a kid you speak your mind, show your likes and dislikes and stand up for things you do not agree with. And at one point outer forces oppose you and the suppression starts: In the best case parents guide you through differences by always ensuring you of their unconditional love, regardless of your positions or actions. This is the ideal parental care even animals are reassured of when they are needed the most.

    Unfortunately very often this is not the case, because parents just didn’t understand the needs of your soul, so they simply did blank out what they didn’t want to be part of their reality and thereby suppressed you more or less forcefully.

    The more violent the opposition hits you, the more traumatic is your experience.

    Even any deep trauma could be resolved in this stage if there is a balanced network of understanding supporters around, but if it isn’t you shy away from what violates your soul and turn to new friends which then become a second influence in your life.

    At this point it is so crucial that you have some people who understand you; and if that is not possible you settle for ones who let you be as you are. The problem now is that the best understanding person would be one who has gone through the same stuff; but the wiser ones don’t share all the fun you need to let of your steam so in the end you turn to people at your level who have the same lifestyle you currently live – addicts provide tolerance for addictions – hurt ones listen to your pain for example.  This works really well for a long time but at one stage it is likely that their evolution takes turns which doesn’t agree with you anymore and you end up totally alone, because the ones who cared for you hold you down in swamp-like structures you strive to move out of.

    You loose faith. Faith in your loved one, faith in others, fate, or god, and the worst loss is the loss of faith in yourself.
    In your desperation you try to convey our pain to your best friend because  best friends are really there for you when you need them.
    But your pain runs deep and just won’t be resolved with a few nice words, so it carries on and you slowly but steadily you see people getting tired of your repetitions and they turn away from you regardless of the cause of your pain – whether it be a broken heart, domestic violence, sexual traumas or even a lost limb – people just have a limited amount of patience.

    But something inside you still hurts and sets you up for further failure – you run into the same problem again and again or into another one and even a bigger one, and deep underneath, you cherish good stories like a sudden death of your best friend, because that would at least make people feel sorry for you for a reason. So you start to attract this kind of reality and such stuff literally starts to happen, but instead of now fully using it to your advantage you downplay it because you realize that sympathy is not true love and you want to be loved unconditionally.

    The spiral goes down because at one stage it dawns upon you that you are being judged for continuous disasters and before you now it you became an official looser on top of having had all that misfortune.
    Now what is left of your pride stands up and protects the last bit of your residual self-image and you pull up all your hope to “fake it until you make it” and you pretend that things are fine when they are not.
    This is when you start to put on a fake-smile when people ask you how you are, even there is a hole in your soul.

    And by now, if there are caring friends or family who genuinely try to pull you up and make you happy, it makes you even more sad, because you feel sorry for their incapability to reach you at all anymore. You might get a nice gift and see that your parents meant so well all the time, but don’t have a glue that they were the ones who let you down in the first place.

    Things spiral further down because you started to see that you not only put on a mask to protect yourself, but also because you don’t want to hurt them by being an unsolvable case which worries them.
    You are in a real double-bind-dilemma now because expressing your pain has become impossible, yet holding it back harms you further. Even the strongest forces break down under such catch 22 situations, like a lioness which has to rescue 2 babies from a flood and both babies die because she can not decide which one to rescue first.

    The pressure from all sides is so great that you are paralyzed which now really bolts your outcry for help into the ground. From the outside this might look like serenity and often this is when therapists or parents think that their child gets better, but there is nothing you can do anymore and your entire sense of self is either shattered or slapped as a sarcastic farce into your face – over and over again.

    But since life always finds a way – just like water – your life-force returns with a rebellious unruliness and some inner force just wants you to live. Yet by now your sense of life is distorted from a simple happiness to a stoic request just to feel yourself in any way – whatever the cost. And you simply don’t give a shit anymore and should you still smile it is for 2 reasons only – either you are to tired or too pragmatic to explain anything anymore; or you carry the burden of the additional dilemma of knowing deep inside that others are also humans who might suffer in the same way you do.

    By now the easy access to happiness is shriveled to a mere fairy-tale you used to believe in as a child, just as you believed in Santa Claus. A basic growl now overrides all subtleties so that the only way you feel yourself is in extreme experiences.
    So you turn to yourself – and on yourself. Why should you care by now if you are fine or healthy? It’s laughable and so naive to be confronted with such conformistic values which only are designed for your you to function better in society.

    You  roughen up by either numbing the pain with legal or illegal drugs or through all kinds of x-tremes like cutting for example. Since you lost acess to your inner soul you experience yourself on the outside – your borders – you become a border-liner.

    And then it get’s exciting, cause you are beyond. Beyond hope, beyond caring anymore and beyond loosing anything.
    Now you start to even cultivate and enjoy yourself and make sarcastic jokes about the junk around you. You love the dark life and live it to the fullest. You push back against all the hate and get your revenge on humankind.This is the realm of Gollum, trolls and ultimately serial killers.

    And what expands must contract, so after your act of aggressive compensation you fall deeper into the abyss and once the intoxication is over, the hangover hits you twice as hard – remorse sets in so deeply suicide becomes an option.

    If you can’t face the burden of one’s own guilt either try to scream it away – louder than your inner voice – never admitting to anything; or you dilute it by adding more of the same to it. The physical hangover was so bad that you have to reward you for this painful day by getting drunk with another extreme experience.

    This is what happen in massacres or wars when people started to kill one person and thereafter can’t stop to do it again and again. Sarcastically the victim now becomes a perpetrator who create the worst pain to others and thereby push them into the exact same kind of downward spiral itself did suffer.

    If you are in the lucky position that your conscience forbids you to hurth others you then the socially accepted way out is to turn on yourself and become addicted – continuing to escape into the opposite direction where your pain resides – only to experience the pendulum of your emotions to swing back to where it came from. You think this is alright because most people manage to survive whilst making their living in meaningless jobs – having forgotten what happiness is all about.

    You think this was the bottom of the barrel? Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, because now nature has old age up its sleeve for you:

    The initial good news is: Never before was there such a cult of slender teens in crisis who look good and songs are played and stars are loved for it so at least there is the comfort of crisis being displayed in the media.

    But now think about what happens when your young beauty is lost and you still have the crisis? Yes- you thought before, that no one would suffer more than you. But you didn’t realize how there was at least an empathic ear for you when you were cute. Then you get old and no one cares  – people turn away from you, because your pain is not sexy anymore – you are fat and ugly, loose your sight and get grey hair. And all people around you carry the same bad fortune, so all is left is some common daily struggle for survival.

    Now you probably understand why old people often are so grumpy – they kind of went through all that crap without even being able to comprehend it and now internalized it so far that they for themselves are totally out of touch with the fact that they once were young, innocent and simply happy.

    For lots of them now comes yet another hammer – serious physical sicknesses and no believe in a sense for it all anymore.
    This is how an entire life is wasted without value unless you give it spiritual meaning.

     
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