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  • sitting bull 20:04 on 2019-09-29 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , chronology of an epic downfall, , epic downfall,   

    Why I write down my biography for you 

    {ongoing story: Menu>bios}

    My life is not more or less important than anyone elses`,
    and not even an inspiration for seekers of success,
    but throughout half a decade, I have observed,
    that literally ALL of us get entangled in many pains and disappointments
    and either spiral down into bitterness,
    or manage to transform into a wiser person.

    I will use my own biography to follow the evolution of the human mind
    in this order:

    1 .) Karmic lessons and disappointments

    Those are the lessons learned by experiences.

    In my personal opinion (as a non-Indian Westerner)
    Karma seems to be the susceptibility for energetic constellations
    which do match our current level of im/balance.

    Since everything in nature is drawn to a state of balance,
    those experiences usually lead to “dis-appointments
    – a gradual annihilation of our internal appointments with reality,
    known as (mis)conceptions.

    Whilst Karma – especially for followers of Abrahamic religions –
    seems to be linked to a punishment of a higher authority;
    I see it as a merely a neutral consequence of nature.

    Nature’s laws are unfathomable to the unenlightened mind,
    so it’s regularities seem to be fate for most people.

    Whilst an intellectual understanding of Nature is equivalently futile
    to predicting the flight-path of a released rubber-ballon,
    I strongly believe that an unconditioned mind is capable of intuitively understanding the regularities of life.
    That is why I am not searching intellectually for the principles of life,
    but do this yoga-meditaton instead.

    Because I want to walk with you through the entire process chronologically,
    the difficulty for me will be will be to write down my experiences
    without adding relativizing & resolving insights I had decades later,
    so I warn you that there will be a few politically incorrect posts upcoming, designed to show you how frustrating experiences in ignorance can be.

    So even if you at times totally disagree with my first views or early conclusions, please bear with me, because this is not about singular issues
    but about the larger picture of the development of insights.

    This series also is designed to demonstrate the value of a daily meditation practice,
    by comparing decades of my own faults and pains to the much faster evolution, when daily tuning into one’s higher self.

    Once I collected the chronology of my epic downfall, I will tell you about …

    2. ) The deconstruction of an ego.

    All experiences leave residues of emotional reflections
    which in time turns into admittance of personal responsibility in form of regrets.

    To know this, btw, can help you tremendously when working on letting go of violations or victimisations, which had been committed against you.

    The effects of a conscience will serve each person their own punishment,
    and even if it seems that some are not receptive for it,
    it only means that their boomerang is delayed into the next of afterlife.

    This will be the chapter which will provide all answers to my frustrating experiences, so you can take this page as a disclaimer for all my biographical posts.

    Once this episode is completed I finally will move on to tell you about …

    3.) Mystical insights …

    … I am having as a very late reward of my long & tedious meditation-yog-practice described here.

    ~ ~ ~

    Finally

    The rise of social networks did create an atmosphere of most people putting on a mask to display themselves more beautiful and successful than others – under the pretence to spread positivity.

    Instead what they do is to make anyone who can’t live up to their distorted standards of their photo-edited pictures to feel like a looser.

    Therefore I want to fill the void of authenticity
    by bringing you an honest and complete picture with all its shadow-sides.

    I hope that this will bring a sense of identification and belonging
    to the many whose suffering currently disables them to express their pain.

     
  • sitting bull 23:30 on 2019-08-28 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 1999, career-blow, chronology of an epic downfall, , , hollywood, markus nispel, , schwarzenegger   

    How my bad luck did come in threes 

    Chronology of an epic downfall #2

    You could call me an entrepreneur-personality, always thinking positive and searching for ways to make the world a better place.
    I also never thought of giving up and long before knowing about it thought in terms of the law of attraction – that thinking positive does attract alike.

    As an example: After
    1.) Having been kicked out of the USA, and
    2.) discovered that my TCM-diploma did not count in Germany, I instantly invented a Moxa-pyramid but did not have the energy to follow up on a production – bright mind, but non-consistent energy.

    I also was the kind of guy who always gave everything – having always loved movies, you could have put me into any movie-project (as pretty much anything) and like the stars I would have worked my ass of up to my limits, because I always did believe that you succeed if you go the extra mile, the sluggish masses aren’t willing to invest.
    To show you how dedicated I was to put my full heart into any mission, I tell you a story:

    A friend, who still lived in New York knew an MTV-director called Markus Nispel, who at times (when MTV still did play music clips fulltime) did direct 45 minutes of one hour MTV. He then became a Hollywood-director and had the chance of doing the movie “end of days” with Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose winning-attitude I admired.

    ‘Normal’ people would not even think about grasping so high and stick to their small world, but because I always was striving to thrive, you can imagine how excited I did jump to that occasion and persuaded my friend to give my demo to Nispel. As soon as he agreed I got myself an old Atari computer which I used as a sequencer.

    Because the movie was supposed to be about Satan in NYC, I composed
    1. first something really sinister,
    2. then a second track with movie-like sound-effects:
    3. and to show that I was capable, also a very beautiful song
    4. (which was a remake an old saxophone-song of mine)
    You can listen to all 4 tracks in a row here if you simply let the player play

    (Btw. I did play and compose everything myself – you can stop after track 4)

    Then I borrowed a video player from my parents and did record all Schwarzenegger movies I could borrow in the video-store (without even being able to watch them, because I had no TV).
    I did record and cut hundreds of his phrases onto a minidisk player,
    wrote a script from then, sampled them, and then did put together a funny fake-interview with Schwarzenegger, which you can listen to here:

    Overall I worked for 3 months for at least for 16 hours every day if not more: Got up, jumped to the equipment, got myself a pizza, continued, and in the evening went to a nearby pub for an hour to often continue further afterwards.

    And then the tragedy happened:

    The old Atari I got from a friend broke down and as it turned out, beforehand had overwrite all 4 security copies I made with ones and zeros, so the entire music was lost !!!

    And when I went to the pub to tell people my tragedy, those rednecks simply nodded non-empathically, because they had no idea how it is to ‘give it all’ and pour your entire heart-blood into something for 3 months. (Not even to mention the loss of a heaven I nearly grasped, because I SO MUCH would have wanted to get back to the USA straight away.)

    Just so that you understand why you can hear those lost tracks now:
    In my desperation I convinced my parents to sponsor a tiny home-studio, bought an Apple and a sequencer-keyboard, which took ages, because I had no experiences with computers and had to research everything.
    Then I did reconstruct all those abstract songs out of my head,
    but by the time I was finished with it all, it turned out that the director had canceled his contract with Hollywood because the studios didn’t want to put up the money for his desired special effects.

    When telling local friends about it, I could literally sense that they felt that I was crazy for even having tried to put a foot into Hollywood. Such is the energy of the small-minded local people in my hometown: They watch you in anticipation whether you are going to make it, but if you fail, they smirk priggish.

    This was the third major blow to my ambitions.
    {and the path was about to spiral down further}ca

    {You will find the previous and follow up stories in the menu under
    >bio->karmic lessons}

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:22 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      I feel sad about your loss and don’t know how you could bear it, pick yourself up and keep going. Reminded of the quote “Greatness is not in never falling but picking up youself every time you fall”

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:38 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        You are so right!
        I once heard a similar positive affirmation about picking oneself up in a movie and it kept me going up to this day.
        I am certain you also had your fair share – somehow it shows, because blows of fate seem to create tender hearts and therewith improve the Karma.
        Maybe that is the literal sense of the word “de-serve”: Through such incidents we de-serve what we accumulated karmically beforehand.

        Like

  • sitting bull 12:24 on 2019-08-24 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: acupuncture, aversion, bioresonance, boomerang, chronology of an epic downfall, , healing, hometown, , , unemployment   

    The karmic boomerang 

    Chronology of an epic downfall #1

    After I had been kicked out of the USA, without the chance to withdraw money, cancel my apartment or get any of my belongings out of the states, I did strand in London where I had no place to stay anymore.

    So I asked my old teacher of TCM to put me up and called my father to pay for the next flight ticket back to Germany. Setting up a new existance in the UK was literally impossible without a penny, so I was forced to go back to the very place I did try so hard to leave behind.

    I then stood in the same room I occupied as a child – the basement of my parents – a place which is ok to be in as a teenager,
    but considered to be a looser’s home when still staying there whilst being an adult.

    This was very hard, because I just came from the city which never sleeps, where I could shop at 4am at night, and suddenly found myself in a quiet village with nowhere to go, and my parents went to bed at 10pm.

    You have to know that there was still no internet around at that time,
    so that the only escape was the TV with its brain-numbing program and ads – all catered for the lowest intellectual denominator.

    In order not to fall into a depression I instantly switched on an activity mode and searched for a job, but to my dismay I found out that the diploma in TCM was worth nothing in Germany, because an old Nazi-law (which was incorporated into the post-WW Grundgesetz) stated that no one is allowed to heal unless he has a German qualitifaction called Heilpraktiker – a qualification for which someone has to be qualified at the level of a nurse, merely to learn what one is NOT allowed to treat – a total useless qualification under the pretence to ‘protect’ the population when in fact it does not even ensure any healing qualification.

    Since I had never an interest in western medicine and also did not plan to stay in Germany for the rest of my life, I rather looked for a job being employed by a doctor, and found one in a small town nearby, so I moved there. Soon I found out that this tiny town was full of squares or drunks and it turned out to be even more hostile than the village my parents did live in – one neighbour watching me from the opposite house, telling the neighbours in my house my life, who in return did eavesdrop at my door and balcony and did check out my place, when I once forgot to lock it.
    In short – I full force run into the worst of my German nightmares – a place which did embody the essence of narrow-mindedness.

    The doctor also turned out to having employed me merely for the reason that I was in his eyes willing to do any airy-fairy healing method he just learned, and the breaking point for me was me being in multiple seminars for doctors in which healing machines were taught, one of which was Bioresonance a therapy based on the Scientology tool ‘E-meter’.

    There, the speakers compared the picture of the human aura to their machine. The room was full of 200 dentists and everyone nodded weightily, but I stood up and told them that the scala of their machine was 10-times smaller than that of the aura, meaning that their machine would merely reach a tenth or much less of the human’s electromagnetic field.
    I then learned that all those degrees of titles the self-important western medical practitioners did obviously not enable them to think independently – they all did follow statistics like sheep.

    I also saw how bitter those doctors were: Here I was in the most expensive hotels and saw those rich doctors sitting there with grumpy faces, because they did believe that they had “earned” being there – they even complained when driving me with their expensive Mercedes-Benz somewhere that politics would take their money away.

    The most absurd moment was

    • The doctor I worked for ordered me to put the patient in front of a picture of the star-constellation of the Pleiades (because he claimed that we all come from there), to give the patient home-sickness.
    • Then I was supposed to use a pendulum to find the weakest spot on the patient’s back, and then
    • stick a photocopy of a massively enlarged DNA of a dove on it, which was cut multiple times so that it was not in order anymore. This was supposedly meant to be “satanic” and against the forces of nature, in order to weaken the patient.
    • Then I was supposed to put African Bachflower-remedies into the hand of the patient and do a Kinesiological test to find out the one which does weaken him most.
    • And then I had to put it in to the above mentioned ‘Bioresonanz-maschine’, and reverse the vibration to insert a maximal reversed negative vibration into the body.

    I then told my employer that I did not study for 4 years full-time in order to make experiments on human beings, and he sacked, so I was unemployed and moved to my hometown into a nice apartment in the hope that I would get another job soon.

    Unfortunately that did not happen and I was forced to move into a 30 SQM (300 SQF) one-bedroom apartment on the same floor, which ironically only had windows onto the road side side opposite offices, and their windows did reflect at night, so that my neighbours also could look into my room then.

    From there the only view was exactly to the place I did hate most as a child:
    my old school, and behind it the valley where my parents lived.

    So life pushed me straight back into my starting position, I worked on so hard to leave, for a quarter of a century.

    A karmic boomerang.

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:12 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      I admire your courage to lay your sole bare for all of us to experience. Thank you for sharing from your heart.
      It is not often I read an authentic account of ‘downfall’ . Often , people like to share thier ‘up-fall’. You have demonstrated that the direction is not absolute.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:34 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you, dear JV,
        that is exactly what I thought:
        In todays social-network-hype where everyone does their best to shine, reality is distorted and it is necessary to bring authenticity back to the web.

        What you say about the direction not being absolute is really inspiring and makes me think of another phase of “the phoenix rising out of the ashes” coming soon.

        Like

  • sitting bull 1:31 on 2019-04-30 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , chronology of an epic downfall, disappointments, ,   

    An autobiographical research into of the evolution of our soul 

    An attempt to figure out the way the mind evolves throughout our karmic biography

    versus the means of reflection, contemplation and meditation.

    Our entanglement in life is unfathomable, which leads us to the believe that there must be some higher force or reason behind all of it.
    Without wanting to dismiss anyones believe in higher powers, one thing for me is certain – I have the right to understand myself by myself,
    so instead of putting my head into the sand of ignorant fatalism, I want to start a very personal research into the twists of the human mind by using my life as an example.

    I don’t do this because I do consider my life as more important than anyone elses’, but for the simple reason that it is the only one I fully have access to – at least to the extend that I still remember all those events which were not suppressed into the realm of forgetfulness by my resisting ego.

    This timing is right, because I just started a 3 year long inner journey to literally re-search for my higher, true or divine soul by the means of Yoga-meditation which will bring a lot of autobiographical stuff up, before insights come.

    So I herewith will open myself up totally; by writing down all experiences which did have a lasting impact on me – regardless of their political correctness or how they make me look like.

    What is needed in this time of dishonest Kali-Yuga-masquerade for the sake of preserving an image to impress the shallow minded ones currently in power; is someone who reclaims honesty in the superficial social-network-farce by opening up in an honest way in order to break the story of the emperor’s new clothes. And since I have nothing to loose, I make the first step here; in the hope to inspire others to loose their fear of being authentic.

    Whilst most people like stories of inspirations in order to be uplifted, this series might put of those who merely look for the bright side of life without wanting to look at the entire picture.
    I observed this already, as some advocates of the (in itself still shallow) mere”wellness-and-health-food-spirituality“, or of the other extreme of a “mere faith in an authoritarian god figure who will rescue us all” stopped reading this blog or replying to mails.
    Those usually were people who were looking for inspriations (in from the outside) without wanting to include the saturnic (duty) aspects of (self claimed) “@spirations”.

    Those people will resort to autobiographies of people who made it to the top of our society.
    But this – in opposition to Yogananda’s “Autobiography of a Yogi” will be an “Autobiography of a looser” – a chronology of an epic downfall, but therefore the display of lessons of in non-attachment through literal dis-appointments -> unfulfilled appointments, my naive mind made in blind hope with reality.

    As a future disclaimer – I want to add that most of my life-deviations will turn out to have become valuable lessons
    – first on a lower consciousness in form of at times cynical consequences,
    – then as a “street-wisdom” or a “wisdom of age“, which as we know is less “wisdom” but often sadly only limited to distrustful strategic lessons,
    – and later guided by my meditative higher mind to some forms of more loving and compassionate world-views which allow for the existence of an Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations (which Gene Roddenberry’s Vulcans did cherish).

    So whenever you can’t relate to one point or another, I can assure you that most of what I am about to write will be explained later.
    The only reason why I won’t explain my misconceptions straight away is in order to let the reader walk with me through an experience – something which would not happen if you knew the outcome (for the same reasons no one likes movie-spoilers).

    Because memories will not all come up in chronological order, I will categorise my autobiography in the blog here under a “bio(graphy)” menu points, like:
    *bio
    +>my 20s (, 30s, 40s, etc..)
    +> my yin and yang sides
    +> different issues (such as #family, #men, #women, etc)
    +> lower and higher mind insights …
    so that you may pick out the parts which you can relate to.

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 5:14 on 2019-05-01 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, dear Thilo, for your courage to share your life and your deepest leranings with us. I don’t agree that you are a loser and you may like to reconsider attaching that label to yourself.
      Wish you all the best

      Like

      • sitting bull 10:31 on 2019-05-01 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you for your compassionate response, JV,
        with this upcoming series I just want to convey to people how despite best of wished ones life can go down the drain,
        and then how to pick it up afterwards again and about the difficulties on the path.

        Like

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