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  • sitting bull 23:30 on 2019-08-28 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 1999, career-blow, , , , hollywood, markus nispel, , schwarzenegger   

    How my bad luck did come in threes 

    Chronology of an epic downfall #2

    You could call me an entrepreneur-personality, always thinking positive and searching for ways to make the world a better place.
    I also never thought of giving up and long before knowing about it thought in terms of the law of attraction – that thinking positive does attract alike.

    As an example: After
    1.) Having been kicked out of the USA, and
    2.) discovered that my TCM-diploma did not count in Germany, I instantly invented a Moxa-pyramid but did not have the energy to follow up on a production – bright mind, but non-consistent energy.

    I also was the kind of guy who always gave everything – having always loved movies, you could have put me into any movie-project (as pretty much anything) and like the stars I would have worked my ass of up to my limits, because I always did believe that you succeed if you go the extra mile, the sluggish masses aren’t willing to invest.
    To show you how dedicated I was to put my full heart into any mission, I tell you a story:

    A friend, who still lived in New York knew an MTV-director called Markus Nispel, who at times (when MTV still did play music clips fulltime) did direct 45 minutes of one hour MTV. He then became a Hollywood-director and had the chance of doing the movie “end of days” with Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose winning-attitude I admired.

    ‘Normal’ people would not even think about grasping so high and stick to their small world, but because I always was striving to thrive, you can imagine how excited I did jump to that occasion and persuaded my friend to give my demo to Nispel. As soon as he agreed I got myself an old Atari computer which I used as a sequencer.

    Because the movie was supposed to be about Satan in NYC, I composed
    1. first something really sinister,
    2. then a second track with movie-like sound-effects:
    3. and to show that I was capable, also a very beautiful song
    4. (which was a remake an old saxophone-song of mine)
    You can listen to all 4 tracks in a row here if you simply let the player play

    (Btw. I did play and compose everything myself – you can stop after track 4)

    Then I borrowed a video player from my parents and did record all Schwarzenegger movies I could borrow in the video-store (without even being able to watch them, because I had no TV).
    I did record and cut hundreds of his phrases onto a minidisk player,
    wrote a script from then, sampled them, and then did put together a funny fake-interview with Schwarzenegger, which you can listen to here:

    Overall I worked for 3 months for at least for 16 hours every day if not more: Got up, jumped to the equipment, got myself a pizza, continued, and in the evening went to a nearby pub for an hour to often continue further afterwards.

    And then the tragedy happened:

    The old Atari I got from a friend broke down and as it turned out, beforehand had overwrite all 4 security copies I made with ones and zeros, so the entire music was lost !!!

    And when I went to the pub to tell people my tragedy, those rednecks simply nodded non-empathically, because they had no idea how it is to ‘give it all’ and pour your entire heart-blood into something for 3 months. (Not even to mention the loss of a heaven I nearly grasped, because I SO MUCH would have wanted to get back to the USA straight away.)

    Just so that you understand why you can hear those lost tracks now:
    In my desperation I convinced my parents to sponsor a tiny home-studio, bought an Apple and a sequencer-keyboard, which took ages, because I had no experiences with computers and had to research everything.
    Then I did reconstruct all those abstract songs out of my head,
    but by the time I was finished with it all, it turned out that the director had canceled his contract with Hollywood because the studios didn’t want to put up the money for his desired special effects.

    When telling local friends about it, I could literally sense that they felt that I was crazy for even having tried to put a foot into Hollywood. Such is the energy of the small-minded local people in my hometown: They watch you in anticipation whether you are going to make it, but if you fail, they smirk priggish.

    This was the third major blow to my ambitions.
    {and the path was about to spiral down further}ca

    {You will find the previous and follow up stories in the menu under
    >bio->karmic lessons}

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    • JV Avadhanulu 1:22 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      I feel sad about your loss and don’t know how you could bear it, pick yourself up and keep going. Reminded of the quote “Greatness is not in never falling but picking up youself every time you fall”

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:38 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        You are so right!
        I once heard a similar positive affirmation about picking oneself up in a movie and it kept me going up to this day.
        I am certain you also had your fair share – somehow it shows, because blows of fate seem to create tender hearts and therewith improve the Karma.
        Maybe that is the literal sense of the word “de-serve”: Through such incidents we de-serve what we accumulated karmically beforehand.

        Like

  • sitting bull 12:24 on 2019-08-24 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: acupuncture, aversion, bioresonance, boomerang, , , healing, hometown, , looser, unemployment   

    The karmic boomerang 

    Chronology of an epic downfall #1

    After I had been kicked out of the USA, without the chance to withdraw money, cancel my apartment or get any of my belongings out of the states, I did strand in London where I had no place to stay anymore.

    So I asked my old teacher of TCM to put me up and called my father to pay for the next flight ticket back to Germany. Setting up a new existance in the UK was literally impossible without a penny, so I was forced to go back to the very place I did try so hard to leave behind.

    I then stood in the same room I occupied as a child – the basement of my parents – a place which is ok to be in as a teenager,
    but considered to be a looser’s home when still staying there whilst being an adult.

    This was very hard, because I just came from the city which never sleeps, where I could shop at 4am at night, and suddenly found myself in a quiet village with nowhere to go, and my parents went to bed at 10pm.

    You have to know that there was still no internet around at that time,
    so that the only escape was the TV with its brain-numbing program and ads – all catered for the lowest intellectual denominator.

    In order not to fall into a depression I instantly switched on an activity mode and searched for a job, but to my dismay I found out that the diploma in TCM was worth nothing in Germany, because an old Nazi-law (which was incorporated into the post-WW Grundgesetz) stated that no one is allowed to heal unless he has a German qualitifaction called Heilpraktiker – a qualification for which someone has to be qualified at the level of a nurse, merely to learn what one is NOT allowed to treat – a total useless qualification under the pretence to ‘protect’ the population when in fact it does not even ensure any healing qualification.

    Since I had never an interest in western medicine and also did not plan to stay in Germany for the rest of my life, I rather looked for a job being employed by a doctor, and found one in a small town nearby, so I moved there. Soon I found out that this tiny town was full of squares or drunks and it turned out to be even more hostile than the village my parents did live in – one neighbour watching me from the opposite house, telling the neighbours in my house my life, who in return did eavesdrop at my door and balcony and did check out my place, when I once forgot to lock it.
    In short – I full force run into the worst of my German nightmares – a place which did embody the essence of narrow-mindedness.

    The doctor also turned out to having employed me merely for the reason that I was in his eyes willing to do any airy-fairy healing method he just learned, and the breaking point for me was me being in multiple seminars for doctors in which healing machines were taught, one of which was Bioresonance a therapy based on the Scientology tool ‘E-meter’.

    There, the speakers compared the picture of the human aura to their machine. The room was full of 200 dentists and everyone nodded weightily, but I stood up and told them that the scala of their machine was 10-times smaller than that of the aura, meaning that their machine would merely reach a tenth or much less of the human’s electromagnetic field.
    I then learned that all those degrees of titles the self-important western medical practitioners did obviously not enable them to think independently – they all did follow statistics like sheep.

    I also saw how bitter those doctors were: Here I was in the most expensive hotels and saw those rich doctors sitting there with grumpy faces, because they did believe that they had “earned” being there – they even complained when driving me with their expensive Mercedes-Benz somewhere that politics would take their money away.

    The most absurd moment was

    • The doctor I worked for ordered me to put the patient in front of a picture of the star-constellation of the Pleiades (because he claimed that we all come from there), to give the patient home-sickness.
    • Then I was supposed to use a pendulum to find the weakest spot on the patient’s back, and then
    • stick a photocopy of a massively enlarged DNA of a dove on it, which was cut multiple times so that it was not in order anymore. This was supposedly meant to be “satanic” and against the forces of nature, in order to weaken the patient.
    • Then I was supposed to put African Bachflower-remedies into the hand of the patient and do a Kinesiological test to find out the one which does weaken him most.
    • And then I had to put it in to the above mentioned ‘Bioresonanz-maschine’, and reverse the vibration to insert a maximal reversed negative vibration into the body.

    I then told my employer that I did not study for 4 years full-time in order to make experiments on human beings, and he sacked, so I was unemployed and moved to my hometown into a nice apartment in the hope that I would get another job soon.

    Unfortunately that did not happen and I was forced to move into a 30 SQM (300 SQF) one-bedroom apartment on the same floor, which ironically only had windows onto the road side side opposite offices, and their windows did reflect at night, so that my neighbours also could look into my room then.

    From there the only view was exactly to the place I did hate most as a child:
    my old school, and behind it the valley where my parents lived.

    So life pushed me straight back into my starting position, I worked on so hard to leave, for a quarter of a century.

    A karmic boomerang.

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:12 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      I admire your courage to lay your sole bare for all of us to experience. Thank you for sharing from your heart.
      It is not often I read an authentic account of ‘downfall’ . Often , people like to share thier ‘up-fall’. You have demonstrated that the direction is not absolute.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:34 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you, dear JV,
        that is exactly what I thought:
        In todays social-network-hype where everyone does their best to shine, reality is distorted and it is necessary to bring authenticity back to the web.

        What you say about the direction not being absolute is really inspiring and makes me think of another phase of “the phoenix rising out of the ashes” coming soon.

        Like

  • sitting bull 22:54 on 2019-08-15 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: American dream, , , illegal, immigration, Manhattan, movies, , nationalism, neoliberalism, NYC, refugee, tcm, tv, USA   

    The destruction of my American dream 

    Chronology of an epic downfall
    ground #0

    You might have perceived the intro to this series as arrogant or bragging, but that article was needed to show you the rise before my fall.

    Whilst the details of my story are too personal to be relevant for others, they can serve as an example of how slow or painful it can be until karmic experiences grind down one’s ego,
    and how a much faster it can be, if one (voluntarily and preemptively) does personality work, such as meditation, yoga, and other spiritual methods.

    Even though, I did dread for two and a half decade to bare my soul publicly (and only can do it now, because it is the earliest point I am stepping out of this trauma),
    I think that this reconstruction of my deconstruction could increase compassion by understanding in people who mostly did live on the bright side of life,
    and comforter to to sufferers, who still might be much to entangled in their own pain in order to be able to reflect upon it.

    In order not to turn it into an endless moaning, I will alternate it with posts about spiritual insights.
    ~ ~ ~

    Germany in the 60s:

    After WW2, the destructed Germany was for decades busy building itself up again whilst dissolving the traumata or the war, so that meanwhile the main sources for TV-shows and movies were imported by the master of the movie industry: the USA.

    Movies are probably the most impressionable ways of influencing people, especially children, and so it was for me:
    The first TV my parents bought (from a salary my father did for working on a TV-play) was for the moon-landing, when I was 3 years old, and to watch it with their friends was memorable for all of us, not only because of the event, but not many Germans possessed a TVs at that time.

    Most TVs at that time were still black and white, and even ours had a button to toggle the colours, which we often left of, because it looked so artificial and aggressive. Hence we watched a lot of old black and white movies and slowly grew into newer ones, probably also because old TV-series were cheaper to buy for German TV stations than new ones.

    So I developed a nostalgic and quaint view of the USA of old Jazz-bars and Western saloons.
    As a child I did paint a large picture with an American flag and did stick many American photos from magazines on it, and listened to my Grandfather telling me the story how, when he as an 80 years old, did travel from East- to West-coast and back – all on his own without being able to speak one word of English, except for “Hi!“.

    In school I did proudly wear a sheep-leather bomber jacket (which I assume was a relic from an US-care-parcel), and as I grew into a restless puberty, Europe seemed sluggishly antiquated and inflexible, and I started to fall in love with the notion of thinking big, and that everything was possible when following ones’ dreams.

    Even as a child I often sat looking into the blue sky and felt the freedom of being connected to the skyscrapers of America I had seen in some 70s movies.
    I fell in love with American music, played in a big band and loved the Blues which did reflect my own blues with Germany’s rigid society.

    I got much classical education, from piano to church organ, but since I wanted to play Saxophone, I first had to learn the Clarinet, which my parents deemed essential in the European classical culture;
    so after I left school I moved to Berlin to become a musician.
    Since the restrictions of the East-German Berlin-Wall did create an aggressive Atmosphere there, I moved to London shortly after the Wall fell.

    There I was really happy to encounter the multiculturalism and differences of lifestyles I found so inspiring, and copied the dream of evolving from dishwasher to millionaire by washing dishes in a Jamaican restaurant whilst my music teacher performed in the dining-area.

    But instead of studying music in the Guildhall School of music and drama, which I prepared for a year,
    I spontaneously switched to Traditional Chinese Medicine, because my parents always wanted me to have “a proper job” and I thought that this would be an ideal compromise between helping people, whilst gaining emotional inspirations for artistic work.

    I never forgot the dream of wanting to move on to NYC, so as soon as I finished my studies of TCM there, I flew straight to Manhattan without having had a Green Card, because I was following, what seemed to have worked for Arnold Schwarzenegger, who also did come to the US, even without a tourist visa (but therefore he had connections in high places).

    So I did literally carry 100kg (over 200 pounds) of stuff (including my 3 saxophones) in my first flight, and after living in the cheapest place in town (a small hotel for transvestites mostly), I found a small place to live in.

    There started treating a poor artist for $5 in my apartment, then an owner of a fashion shop for $30, and thereafter never had to increase the price again.
    The show room whom of my patient did attract makeup-artists who talked to the models they were working on,
    so I got an alternate mix of models and makeup-artists who did recommend me to each other – each time for a higher price, so that my price rose automatically to $150 within 6 months and likely would have risen more.

    To the models, who had money, it was not much, plus the USA had (and still has) not such a good healthcare system, as Europe has, so any health-issue was really expensive for Americans and I was cheap in comparison.

    I did attract a lot of extroverts who felt comfortable with me for not condemning them for their avantgardism – one example being a model who despite it being cold outside had to dance in several bars on Halloween showing of her blue painted body in a bikini, and instead of telling her off about running around in the cold, I did work around her needs to further her success – an attitude which is much more common in America than Europe – one reason why I loved it in Manhattan – things just could grow fast and big there.

    Whilst going to the party, she did invite me to, I realised that I was not dressed up for Halloween at all, and because it was too late to buy anything, and I had nothing original at home, I came up with the idea to put on my black leather coat and stick a dozen really long acupuncture needles in places in my face, which were no acupuncture points, in order to look like Hellrazor.

    This really demonstrated to me the difference between a village in Europe and a cosmopolitan large city in the USA: In my hometown I would have been denounced for such a madness, but in NYC people found it funny and when I told them that I was an acupuncturist, they even wanted my card to get treatments.

    Funny enough, when I already had forgoten all about the needles afterwards on my way home, I run into a neighbour for the first time, and chatted with her casually, as if it was the most normal thing to do, running around with needles in the face.
    Such and many more crazy stories did happen every day and night, and I met the most fascinating mix of famous or extravagant people, like Hollywood directors, actors, musicians, and many unknown, but very unusual and open-minded people.

    But on a serious note: Everything seemed to work: I had at times nearly miraculous success with treating people, and felt really appreciated for my compassionate care around the clock.
    Many were interested in the ancient Chinese, and Indian spiritual wisdoms I had to share.

    So I was invited to many really interesting parties (from dinner-size to many meters of oysters on one table), and could tell you a story about those events which happened nearly each day or night, as intense and interesting, as highlights in a normal life, which would only happen about once a year.

    This is what I liked most in the USA: People are really open to new ways and there is a child-like state of awe for new things,
    whilst in the more critical dinosaur Europe I often felt blocked and suppressed, when trying to inspire others open-heartedly for a positive change.

    For the first time I really felt home,
    and even got myself an apartment with a view onto the Empire State Building.

    But before being able to move in there, I had to travel for the third time to London, because my Tourist Visa did run out, and I did not have the audacity, to just stay in the USA illegally as some others did whom I met.

    So I did return for a third time, and within the 9 months I had been in Manhattan,
    I already underwent most of the exams to be able to work there as an accredited practitioner of TCM,
    got myself an non-drivers-ID, and first accreditations to be able TCM in the USA,
    and did spend a lots of money there in order to make it all legal.

    When I did travel back, my flight was delayed for half a day, which made me arrive at 1am in the morning in John Kennedy airport, and when I stood in line I suddenly could sense that this was going really wrong but there was nothing I could do about it anymore.

    The officer did send me to a room and two very officers – one male, and one very harsh tiny stocky woman with pebble glasses – did question and threaten me for 2 hours in the ‘good-cop-bad-cop’ fashion, whilst cheating me of my Miranda rights for a lawyer, by threatening me that asking for one would only make things worse.

    When they finally did get my luggage and saw many used CDs in there, it was clear that I had to come clean to tell them that I had transported my belongings in steps to the US and was on the way of working hard to become a legal citizen with a Green-card.

    They instantly handcuffed me to a bench, right in front of a window and next to 3 Afghan children of the age around from 3 to 11, and told racist remarks about non-caucasians. It was heart-breaking to see all three of those cute kids cry their eyes out, knowing that their life was literally over, and the oldest girl having had to comfort the others, despite her having been in a very bad shape herself.
    (I don’t want to know to which terrible circumstances they may have had to return to and how their family had probably put together their entire savings to give at least their kids a better future.)

    The room had a large ‘shopping window’ for all travellers to see what happens to illegals, and I was forced to sleep on the floor, because I was handcuffed on my ankle to the bench and as a meal they gave me one heartless buttered bread, until the next flight to London arrived on which they did put me handcuffed.

    If I had a lawyer it probably would have been clear that I did not even do anything legally wrong, because the entire time I stood there legally – only my intentions were to make it permanent.
    This is how one’s life can be destroyed by two officers just being in a bad mood and by lacking informations.

    I won’t ever forget the officer’s bitter faces, which were signed by the aggressive dismissal of any empathy for the daily flood of lives they saw being destroyed by their actions, and got some sense for how harsh people must be treated in Guantanamo, even if they just are suspected terrorists.
    (We are so mate-mongered by the media that I wouldn’t be surprised, if the word ‘suspected‘ falls right through the raster of many readers when reading the word ‘terrorist‘.)

    This then did shape my opinion of refugees in a total different way most legal first-worlders who never left their country for longer than a safe holiday see it:
    Many only see the threat to their own country, and fear that jobs or benefits are taken from them, but I now see behind most refugees a huge story of either tremendous despair and a great hope for a new start – something it takes, to make one abandon all own roots.

    The irony of it is that often immigrants are the ones who really put a lot of effort into succeeding; and develop a greater appreciation for the country they immigrated into, than the majority of people who were granted their citizenship from birth without any efforts.

    The refugee situation seems to a large extend to be created by the first-world, due to exploitation of the third world for centuries,
    and wars, which to a large extend are designed to destabilise regions in order to control them later.
    So in a way the refugee-issue is not only the Karma of the third, but also the first world.
    Unfortunately most of the time it does not hit the countries which caused the issue, but the ones closer to the crisis centres.

    Finally: this experience also had another effect on me:
    It turned me into a passionate enemy of neoliberalism and also nationalism,
    because I experienced first hand that firms are allowed to go without any loyalty to humans, wherever they can save most taxes or work-labour-costs,
    whilst humans are imprisoned by nonsensical (because arbitrary) national boundaries for the rest of their lifes.

    This was the end of my life-long ‘American dream‘, which then did cause an avalanche of misfortunes and an epic social downfalls I will continue to tell you later.

    Next Chapter: The karmic boomerang into my beginnings >

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:42 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      Oh, no. So unfortuante.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:44 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        The sad joke is that I probably did have the right to stay but didn’t get it because they scared me.
        Amazing how ignorance can cause suffering for decades.

        Like

  • sitting bull 15:31 on 2019-08-10 Permalink | Reply  

    Chronology of an epic downfall 

    Whenever you look for spirituality on the web you usually find positive and affirmative messages advertising spirituality by telling us how it is the solution to all our problems, makes us healthier or guarantees us the blessings of a higher force.

    Tons of followers of like-minded blogs or spiritual leaders throw their admiration and money towards the successful and beautiful ones; in the hope of getting universal brownie points back;
    but secretly each of those followers are secretly suffering from a sense of insignificance which crept into their lifes, since they subscribed to principles of perfection, only people who were spoiled throughout their life can actually fulfil.

    In other words: spirituality initially makes our life miserable due to first have to face ones discrepancies,
    and thereafter for shouldering the compensation of the lack in ethics or sensitivity of the majority of mankind.
    This is why spiritual inclined sensitive people are often laughed upon by ruthless perpetrators who regardless of the consequences take what their ego tells them to.

    So by sacrificing my own reputation I want to start a longterm series of articles which in detail describes how despite the best of intentions, great talents and positive character trades ones’ life can spiral down in epic proportions, not only without seeing any rewards of a good Karma,
    but instead accumulating more negative Karma of becoming a marginalised, being laughed at,
    and thereafter becoming an enemy and therewith burden to society.

    The rise before the fall

    Having been born to a choleric father and a dreamy mother I learned how to transform anger or address criticism in a way that it reached both sides: with humour and a profound sense for harmony.

    From my Kindergarden age I had a talent of creating a harmonious relationship with other kids and when playing in the sandbox I did always make sure that everyone was treated fair and with consideration.

    Due to the nonsensical pressure of high school, which doesn’t care about people, but conditions them to become obedient and competitive working machines – combined with the added pressure of my parents – a nervousness start to arise which at times made me burst out in anger, which did lead to the occasional school-fight,.
    But thereafter my anger never became physical again and only released itself verbally – unfortunately occasionally still up to this day.

    The first conceptional encounter with spirituality was in the form most people do encounter it – through religion –
    and the first time I was emotionally touched in a spiritual way was through music.

    Whilst I couldn’t relate to the simple minded musical hits my parents listened to, they did enable me to learn classical voice education, the piano, church-organ, the clarinet and later when I discovered the blues (which did reflect my own blues with society), I also learned the drums, a tiny bit of base and did end up playing tenor, alto and soprano saxophones.

    In my teens I did learn to know a 30 year old jazz fan who did educate me into the mysteries of this strange sounding music, and how complex and sensitive it was.
    This, together with observing his much more serene lifestyle than that of my frantic monkey-mind-parents (who often did change talking-subjects about 5-6 times per minute), made me want to aspire to become a musician.

    A key-milestone in my life was the spontaneous insight on a way back home from school wanting to become something really big – either in a spiritual way (and my archetypal image for it was a wise man in a desert),
    or something glamorous (in the form of something shiny, like the blinking skyline of a city with its stylish metallic designer furniture).

    In retrospect I can explain it as a result of what in TCM is called “the HUN” or my Jupiter north node. Those both are basically the abstract aspects of mere spirituality (without it being linked to ethics, a healthy lifestyle, or other current misconceptions).

    This did set me on a path of first pursuing my career in the field of my passion – to become a musician, including all the trades associated with it: Artistic creativity, the ego of wanting to become famous, the profound need to convey deeper emotions to others in order to shed light on their yet non-explored hidden corners of their soul, and the longing to travel the world in order to experience as many cultures as possible.

    One of my craziest times in my life were after I moved out of my parent’s place where I first led a life of parties, met the most eccentric people, and with the help of all kinds of drugs I could get my hands on, released my so far suppressed life-force by producing a full audio-cassette of own songs in which I did play all instruments myself. You can listen to the songs here or purchase them as a double-CD.

    Because the surroundings of my middle-sized conservative hometown in the black forest were to restrictive for me, I straight away afterwards moved to Berlin to gain some large-city-experience; and after having been disappointed about the aggression (which might have been a reflection of it having still been surrounded by the suppressive East-Germany),
    just after the Berlin-wall fell, I moved to London to experience the diversity of a cosmopolitan city and learn English – the language which nearly made me having to repeat an entire school-year, because I was the worst in my class.

    After two years of playing in many sessions – (at times I was the only white musician of an all Jamaican band in the midst of an all black audience),
    my focus from a worldly career did shift towards spirituality by spontaneously choosing to study traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) and doing a lot of Kung Fu, where I was loved by the whole huge community for being so open hearted and having a great sense of humour.

    In the Kungfu System Jews celebrated in parties thrown by Muslims, blacks drank in Irish pubs, the Chinese master invited all of us Westerners for lunch.
    In a way it was like a heaven of culturally diversity and tolerance.

    This certainly was one of my brightest moments in my life, because under the favourable circumstances of a supportive environment combined with sensitive caring people,
    many spiritual talents previous unknown to me suddenly popped up out of the blue. To give you a few examples:

    At the time I was so shy to physical touch that once a voluptuous woman who stroke my belly whilst she sat on top of me, did inadvertently tickle me, so that my extreme flinching did catapult her right over my head – only to land with her nose at the head of the bed.

    So when I was asked to massage in my half-term Tuina and Swedish massage exam the woman did take me out, only to teach me that touch was more important than to do it academically right.

    Six months later in college, I was about to massage a female fellow student of mine and to center the person we were supposed to hold our hands over their heart chakra – for women they told us to do it on the back to avoid having to touch her breast, but because I did miss that part, I did it on the back and front of her which she didn’t mind, because we were fellow students.

    Somehow I could sense us connecting deeply, so I stood with this process. After 20 minutes (when all the others already long went into their lunch break), I started to visualise as if I was in the total dark abyss of her soul – at a point where she felt totally alone.
    Then my soul-search intuitively turned around from listening to her to giving her the message that I here here and am there for her.

    She then went on to her own lunch-break and came back flooding with tears, because she finally felt someone being there at the very moment when she was left alone by her original parents, before she was adopted by new foster-parents. This didn’t stop for the entire day.
    The massage teacher just said to me that I really did come a long way.

    It was a bit like dragging her out of her desert in The movie The Final Frontier:

    Around that time I had similar experiences, like an acupuncture-patient of mine who was cold inside.
    Normally one can warm the patient by burning a hot herb called Moxa over the belly, but since it was a hot day, I did put my hand on her belly to transform to her some of my energy – something I recently had done to a fellow student, who afterwards felt warm for 3 weeks.

    To my surprise images of her sitting as a child with a white dress on a swing came up, and that she at the time was very lonely.
    So I did tell her that after the treatment and she instantly started to cry, telling me that she was very sad because her boyfriend did split up with her.
    I then thought that my archetypal image must have been of a wrong timing, but when I told her that I saw her as a kid, she went on and told me that she actually was most sad in her life when her sister died – around the age of 6 or 7.


    Please don’t take this as bragging – I merely want to convey to you how everything was set up for the most successful life one could have:

    Not only was I lucky to have had middle-class parents who could finance my education and came out of the privileged minority of white male first worlders, but
    I also was about to get my TCM-Diploma, was 6ft tall and strong (could do 80 pushups), had an IQ of 138, was musically talented, able to write well, had a lot of humour, and got on with all people alike, regardless of race, gender or age.

    So this will be the story of how and foremost why in life, despite the best of luck, things can spiral down into an unforeseeable abyss.

    Hopefully readers might learn from my story to understand how not previous bad deeds (as Abrahamic religions dogmatize),
    but own misconceptions are the source of karmic problems;
    and why it is best to dissolve subconscious issues by the means of spiritual methods such as introspection, contemplation, meditation, yoga, or other methods, before a disillusioned bitternes (literally) digs one’s own grave.

    Next article: The destruction of my american dream >

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:52 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      Enjoyed reading this post. Knowing what happened next (because I read this later), it is so unfortunate that your rare gifts for healing could not serve humanity.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:53 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        That actually made me feel very guilty for decades – not to use my talents.
        I will write more about it later.

        Like

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