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  • sitting bull 22:54 on 2019-08-15 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: American dream, , , illegal, immigration, Manhattan, movies, , nationalism, neoliberalism, NYC, refugee, tcm, tv, USA   

    The destruction of my American dream 

    Chronology of an epic downfall
    ground #0

    You might have perceived the intro to this series as arrogant or bragging, but that article was needed to show you the rise before my fall.

    Whilst the details of my story are too personal to be relevant for others, they can serve as an example of how slow or painful it can be until karmic experiences grind down one’s ego,
    and how a much faster it can be, if one (voluntarily and preemptively) does personality work, such as meditation, yoga, and other spiritual methods.

    Even though, I did dread for two and a half decade to bare my soul publicly (and only can do it now, because it is the earliest point I am stepping out of this trauma),
    I think that this reconstruction of my deconstruction could increase compassion by understanding in people who mostly did live on the bright side of life,
    and comforter to to sufferers, who still might be much to entangled in their own pain in order to be able to reflect upon it.

    In order not to turn it into an endless moaning, I will alternate it with posts about spiritual insights.
    ~ ~ ~

    Germany in the 60s:

    After WW2, the destructed Germany was for decades busy building itself up again whilst dissolving the traumata or the war, so that meanwhile the main sources for TV-shows and movies were imported by the master of the movie industry: the USA.

    Movies are probably the most impressionable ways of influencing people, especially children, and so it was for me:
    The first TV my parents bought (from a salary my father did for working on a TV-play) was for the moon-landing, when I was 3 years old, and to watch it with their friends was memorable for all of us, not only because of the event, but not many Germans possessed a TVs at that time.

    Most TVs at that time were still black and white, and even ours had a button to toggle the colours, which we often left of, because it looked so artificial and aggressive. Hence we watched a lot of old black and white movies and slowly grew into newer ones, probably also because old TV-series were cheaper to buy for German TV stations than new ones.

    So I developed a nostalgic and quaint view of the USA of old Jazz-bars and Western saloons.
    As a child I did paint a large picture with an American flag and did stick many American photos from magazines on it, and listened to my Grandfather telling me the story how, when he as an 80 years old, did travel from East- to West-coast and back – all on his own without being able to speak one word of English, except for “Hi!“.

    In school I did proudly wear a sheep-leather bomber jacket (which I assume was a relic from an US-care-parcel), and as I grew into a restless puberty, Europe seemed sluggishly antiquated and inflexible, and I started to fall in love with the notion of thinking big, and that everything was possible when following ones’ dreams.

    Even as a child I often sat looking into the blue sky and felt the freedom of being connected to the skyscrapers of America I had seen in some 70s movies.
    I fell in love with American music, played in a big band and loved the Blues which did reflect my own blues with Germany’s rigid society.

    I got much classical education, from piano to church organ, but since I wanted to play Saxophone, I first had to learn the Clarinet, which my parents deemed essential in the European classical culture;
    so after I left school I moved to Berlin to become a musician.
    Since the restrictions of the East-German Berlin-Wall did create an aggressive Atmosphere there, I moved to London shortly after the Wall fell.

    There I was really happy to encounter the multiculturalism and differences of lifestyles I found so inspiring, and copied the dream of evolving from dishwasher to millionaire by washing dishes in a Jamaican restaurant whilst my music teacher performed in the dining-area.

    But instead of studying music in the Guildhall School of music and drama, which I prepared for a year,
    I spontaneously switched to Traditional Chinese Medicine, because my parents always wanted me to have “a proper job” and I thought that this would be an ideal compromise between helping people, whilst gaining emotional inspirations for artistic work.

    I never forgot the dream of wanting to move on to NYC, so as soon as I finished my studies of TCM there, I flew straight to Manhattan without having had a Green Card, because I was following, what seemed to have worked for Arnold Schwarzenegger, who also did come to the US, even without a tourist visa (but therefore he had connections in high places).

    So I did literally carry 100kg (over 200 pounds) of stuff (including my 3 saxophones) in my first flight, and after living in the cheapest place in town (a small hotel for transvestites mostly), I found a small place to live in.

    There started treating a poor artist for $5 in my apartment, then an owner of a fashion shop for $30, and thereafter never had to increase the price again.
    The show room whom of my patient did attract makeup-artists who talked to the models they were working on,
    so I got an alternate mix of models and makeup-artists who did recommend me to each other – each time for a higher price, so that my price rose automatically to $150 within 6 months and likely would have risen more.

    To the models, who had money, it was not much, plus the USA had (and still has) not such a good healthcare system, as Europe has, so any health-issue was really expensive for Americans and I was cheap in comparison.

    I did attract a lot of extroverts who felt comfortable with me for not condemning them for their avantgardism – one example being a model who despite it being cold outside had to dance in several bars on Halloween showing of her blue painted body in a bikini, and instead of telling her off about running around in the cold, I did work around her needs to further her success – an attitude which is much more common in America than Europe – one reason why I loved it in Manhattan – things just could grow fast and big there.

    Whilst going to the party, she did invite me to, I realised that I was not dressed up for Halloween at all, and because it was too late to buy anything, and I had nothing original at home, I came up with the idea to put on my black leather coat and stick a dozen really long acupuncture needles in places in my face, which were no acupuncture points, in order to look like Hellrazor.

    This really demonstrated to me the difference between a village in Europe and a cosmopolitan large city in the USA: In my hometown I would have been denounced for such a madness, but in NYC people found it funny and when I told them that I was an acupuncturist, they even wanted my card to get treatments.

    Funny enough, when I already had forgoten all about the needles afterwards on my way home, I run into a neighbour for the first time, and chatted with her casually, as if it was the most normal thing to do, running around with needles in the face.
    Such and many more crazy stories did happen every day and night, and I met the most fascinating mix of famous or extravagant people, like Hollywood directors, actors, musicians, and many unknown, but very unusual and open-minded people.

    But on a serious note: Everything seemed to work: I had at times nearly miraculous success with treating people, and felt really appreciated for my compassionate care around the clock.
    Many were interested in the ancient Chinese, and Indian spiritual wisdoms I had to share.

    So I was invited to many really interesting parties (from dinner-size to many meters of oysters on one table), and could tell you a story about those events which happened nearly each day or night, as intense and interesting, as highlights in a normal life, which would only happen about once a year.

    This is what I liked most in the USA: People are really open to new ways and there is a child-like state of awe for new things,
    whilst in the more critical dinosaur Europe I often felt blocked and suppressed, when trying to inspire others open-heartedly for a positive change.

    For the first time I really felt home,
    and even got myself an apartment with a view onto the Empire State Building.

    But before being able to move in there, I had to travel for the third time to London, because my Tourist Visa did run out, and I did not have the audacity, to just stay in the USA illegally as some others did whom I met.

    So I did return for a third time, and within the 9 months I had been in Manhattan,
    I already underwent most of the exams to be able to work there as an accredited practitioner of TCM,
    got myself an non-drivers-ID, and first accreditations to be able TCM in the USA,
    and did spend a lots of money there in order to make it all legal.

    When I did travel back, my flight was delayed for half a day, which made me arrive at 1am in the morning in John Kennedy airport, and when I stood in line I suddenly could sense that this was going really wrong but there was nothing I could do about it anymore.

    The officer did send me to a room and two very officers – one male, and one very harsh tiny stocky woman with pebble glasses – did question and threaten me for 2 hours in the ‘good-cop-bad-cop’ fashion, whilst cheating me of my Miranda rights for a lawyer, by threatening me that asking for one would only make things worse.

    When they finally did get my luggage and saw many used CDs in there, it was clear that I had to come clean to tell them that I had transported my belongings in steps to the US and was on the way of working hard to become a legal citizen with a Green-card.

    They instantly handcuffed me to a bench, right in front of a window and next to 3 Afghan children of the age around from 3 to 11, and told racist remarks about non-caucasians. It was heart-breaking to see all three of those cute kids cry their eyes out, knowing that their life was literally over, and the oldest girl having had to comfort the others, despite her having been in a very bad shape herself.
    (I don’t want to know to which terrible circumstances they may have had to return to and how their family had probably put together their entire savings to give at least their kids a better future.)

    The room had a large ‘shopping window’ for all travellers to see what happens to illegals, and I was forced to sleep on the floor, because I was handcuffed on my ankle to the bench and as a meal they gave me one heartless buttered bread, until the next flight to London arrived on which they did put me handcuffed.

    If I had a lawyer it probably would have been clear that I did not even do anything legally wrong, because the entire time I stood there legally – only my intentions were to make it permanent.
    This is how one’s life can be destroyed by two officers just being in a bad mood and by lacking informations.

    I won’t ever forget the officer’s bitter faces, which were signed by the aggressive dismissal of any empathy for the daily flood of lives they saw being destroyed by their actions, and got some sense for how harsh people must be treated in Guantanamo, even if they just are suspected terrorists.
    (We are so mate-mongered by the media that I wouldn’t be surprised, if the word ‘suspected‘ falls right through the raster of many readers when reading the word ‘terrorist‘.)

    This then did shape my opinion of refugees in a total different way most legal first-worlders who never left their country for longer than a safe holiday see it:
    Many only see the threat to their own country, and fear that jobs or benefits are taken from them, but I now see behind most refugees a huge story of either tremendous despair and a great hope for a new start – something it takes, to make one abandon all own roots.

    The irony of it is that often immigrants are the ones who really put a lot of effort into succeeding; and develop a greater appreciation for the country they immigrated into, than the majority of people who were granted their citizenship from birth without any efforts.

    The refugee situation seems to a large extend to be created by the first-world, due to exploitation of the third world for centuries,
    and wars, which to a large extend are designed to destabilise regions in order to control them later.
    So in a way the refugee-issue is not only the Karma of the third, but also the first world.
    Unfortunately most of the time it does not hit the countries which caused the issue, but the ones closer to the crisis centres.

    Finally: this experience also had another effect on me:
    It turned me into a passionate enemy of neoliberalism and also nationalism,
    because I experienced first hand that firms are allowed to go without any loyalty to humans, wherever they can save most taxes or work-labour-costs,
    whilst humans are imprisoned by nonsensical (because arbitrary) national boundaries for the rest of their lifes.

    This was the end of my life-long ‘American dream‘, which then did cause an avalanche of misfortunes and an epic social downfalls I will continue to tell you later.

    Next Chapter: The karmic boomerang into my beginnings >

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  • sitting bull 15:31 on 2019-08-10 Permalink | Reply  

    Chronology of an epic downfall 

    Whenever you look for spirituality on the web you usually find positive and affirmative messages advertising spirituality by telling us how it is the solution to all our problems, makes us healthier or guarantees us the blessings of a higher force.

    Tons of followers of like-minded blogs or spiritual leaders throw their admiration and money towards the successful and beautiful ones; in the hope of getting universal brownie points back;
    but secretly each of those followers are secretly suffering from a sense of insignificance which crept into their lifes, since they subscribed to principles of perfection, only people who were spoiled throughout their life can actually fulfil.

    In other words: spirituality initially makes our life miserable due to first have to face ones discrepancies,
    and thereafter for shouldering the compensation of the lack in ethics or sensitivity of the majority of mankind.
    This is why spiritual inclined sensitive people are often laughed upon by ruthless perpetrators who regardless of the consequences take what their ego tells them to.

    So by sacrificing my own reputation I want to start a longterm series of articles which in detail describes how despite the best of intentions, great talents and positive character trades ones’ life can spiral down in epic proportions, not only without seeing any rewards of a good Karma,
    but instead accumulating more negative Karma of becoming a marginalised, being laughed at,
    and thereafter becoming an enemy and therewith burden to society.

    The rise before the fall

    Having been born to a choleric father and a dreamy mother I learned how to transform anger or address criticism in a way that it reached both sides: with humour and a profound sense for harmony.

    From my Kindergarden age I had a talent of creating a harmonious relationship with other kids and when playing in the sandbox I did always make sure that everyone was treated fair and with consideration.

    Due to the nonsensical pressure of high school, which doesn’t care about people, but conditions them to become obedient and competitive working machines – combined with the added pressure of my parents – a nervousness start to arise which at times made me burst out in anger, which did lead to the occasional school-fight,.
    But thereafter my anger never became physical again and only released itself verbally – unfortunately occasionally still up to this day.

    The first conceptional encounter with spirituality was in the form most people do encounter it – through religion –
    and the first time I was emotionally touched in a spiritual way was through music.

    Whilst I couldn’t relate to the simple minded musical hits my parents listened to, they did enable me to learn classical voice education, the piano, church-organ, the clarinet and later when I discovered the blues (which did reflect my own blues with society), I also learned the drums, a tiny bit of base and did end up playing tenor, alto and soprano saxophones.

    In my teens I did learn to know a 30 year old jazz fan who did educate me into the mysteries of this strange sounding music, and how complex and sensitive it was.
    This, together with observing his much more serene lifestyle than that of my frantic monkey-mind-parents (who often did change talking-subjects about 5-6 times per minute), made me want to aspire to become a musician.

    A key-milestone in my life was the spontaneous insight on a way back home from school wanting to become something really big – either in a spiritual way (and my archetypal image for it was a wise man in a desert),
    or something glamorous (in the form of something shiny, like the blinking skyline of a city with its stylish metallic designer furniture).

    In retrospect I can explain it as a result of what in TCM is called “the HUN” or my Jupiter north node. Those both are basically the abstract aspects of mere spirituality (without it being linked to ethics, a healthy lifestyle, or other current misconceptions).

    This did set me on a path of first pursuing my career in the field of my passion – to become a musician, including all the trades associated with it: Artistic creativity, the ego of wanting to become famous, the profound need to convey deeper emotions to others in order to shed light on their yet non-explored hidden corners of their soul, and the longing to travel the world in order to experience as many cultures as possible.

    One of my craziest times in my life were after I moved out of my parent’s place where I first led a life of parties, met the most eccentric people, and with the help of all kinds of drugs I could get my hands on, released my so far suppressed life-force by producing a full audio-cassette of own songs in which I did play all instruments myself. You can listen to the songs here or purchase them as a double-CD.

    Because the surroundings of my middle-sized conservative hometown in the black forest were to restrictive for me, I straight away afterwards moved to Berlin to gain some large-city-experience; and after having been disappointed about the aggression (which might have been a reflection of it having still been surrounded by the suppressive East-Germany),
    just after the Berlin-wall fell, I moved to London to experience the diversity of a cosmopolitan city and learn English – the language which nearly made me having to repeat an entire school-year, because I was the worst in my class.

    After two years of playing in many sessions – (at times I was the only white musician of an all Jamaican band in the midst of an all black audience),
    my focus from a worldly career did shift towards spirituality by spontaneously choosing to study traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) and doing a lot of Kung Fu, where I was loved by the whole huge community for being so open hearted and having a great sense of humour.

    In the Kungfu System Jews celebrated in parties thrown by Muslims, blacks drank in Irish pubs, the Chinese master invited all of us Westerners for lunch.
    In a way it was like a heaven of culturally diversity and tolerance.

    This certainly was one of my brightest moments in my life, because under the favourable circumstances of a supportive environment combined with sensitive caring people,
    many spiritual talents previous unknown to me suddenly popped up out of the blue. To give you a few examples:

    At the time I was so shy to physical touch that once a voluptuous woman who stroke my belly whilst she sat on top of me, did inadvertently tickle me, so that my extreme flinching did catapult her right over my head – only to land with her nose at the head of the bed.

    So when I was asked to massage in my half-term Tuina and Swedish massage exam the woman did take me out, only to teach me that touch was more important than to do it academically right.

    Six months later in college, I was about to massage a female fellow student of mine and to center the person we were supposed to hold our hands over their heart chakra – for women they told us to do it on the back to avoid having to touch her breast, but because I did miss that part, I did it on the back and front of her which she didn’t mind, because we were fellow students.

    Somehow I could sense us connecting deeply, so I stood with this process. After 20 minutes (when all the others already long went into their lunch break), I started to visualise as if I was in the total dark abyss of her soul – at a point where she felt totally alone.
    Then my soul-search intuitively turned around from listening to her to giving her the message that I here here and am there for her.

    She then went on to her own lunch-break and came back flooding with tears, because she finally felt someone being there at the very moment when she was left alone by her original parents, before she was adopted by new foster-parents. This didn’t stop for the entire day.
    The massage teacher just said to me that I really did come a long way.

    It was a bit like dragging her out of her desert in The movie The Final Frontier:

    Around that time I had similar experiences, like an acupuncture-patient of mine who was cold inside.
    Normally one can warm the patient by burning a hot herb called Moxa over the belly, but since it was a hot day, I did put my hand on her belly to transform to her some of my energy – something I recently had done to a fellow student, who afterwards felt warm for 3 weeks.

    To my surprise images of her sitting as a child with a white dress on a swing came up, and that she at the time was very lonely.
    So I did tell her that after the treatment and she instantly started to cry, telling me that she was very sad because her boyfriend did split up with her.
    I then thought that my archetypal image must have been of a wrong timing, but when I told her that I saw her as a kid, she went on and told me that she actually was most sad in her life when her sister died – around the age of 6 or 7.


    Please don’t take this as bragging – I merely want to convey to you how everything was set up for the most successful life one could have:

    Not only was I lucky to have had middle-class parents who could finance my education and came out of the privileged minority of white male first worlders, but
    I also was about to get my TCM-Diploma, was 6ft tall and strong (could do 80 pushups), had an IQ of 138, was musically talented, able to write well, had a lot of humour, and got on with all people alike, regardless of race, gender or age.

    So this will be the story of how and foremost why in life, despite the best of luck, things can spiral down into an unforeseeable abyss.

    Hopefully readers might learn from my story to understand how not previous bad deeds (as Abrahamic religions dogmatize),
    but own misconceptions are the source of karmic problems;
    and why it is best to dissolve subconscious issues by the means of spiritual methods such as introspection, contemplation, meditation, yoga, or other methods, before a disillusioned bitternes (literally) digs one’s own grave.

    Next article: The destruction of my american dream >

     
  • sitting bull 15:39 on 2019-06-12 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , ,   

    religion#4 : why religions can be spiritual hinderances 

    After having told you 3 emotional criticisms, and my cognitive reasons,
    today I will tell you my spiritual issues I have with religions.
    Whilst religions claim to offer spiritual guidance and they serve well to kickstart people into searching for a purpose or looking for their higher self, they in fact can lead to the opposite, by standing in the way of an individual’s own evolution:

    7.) The forbiddingness to evolve oneself (or one’s Self)

    In the spirit of agnosticism, meaning that I don’t know whether a god exists (and less so, whether this one would be a creator), I start to analyse religious premisses by giving them the benefit of the doubt:

    If some kind of god pervades everything in life, it also must be within each of my cells, so logically, we all should be able to elevate to divine heights.

    But orthodox mindsetters by any means try to dismiss ones own aspiration to grow towards their highest potential, because they want obedient sheep which follow their believe – something people who evolved into the divine would not do anymore.
    I often was told (by my Christian monk classmate, hardcore Bible-readers, but also some eso-gurus) that high aspirations would be merely egotistical and therefore I should practice to be humble first.

    An interesting aspect is that there is a really fine line between egotism and sincere aspirations.

    These days it seems spiritual to spread tranquility, but where for example does one draw the line between serenity and the ability to influence others with sweet words?

    On the other hand someone who longs for a higher reality, yet still is a nervous wreck, might not be non-spiritual, but actually a sincere seeker who is merely be suppressed by narrow-minded dogmas.

    So smoothness is not at all an indication for spirituality

    Here, for example is a tibetan monk telling that it would we imperative to control the natural forces of the five elements (merely in order to overcome physical obstacles when meditating). Conservative believers declare any aspiration for siddhis as an ego-driven need to be special and therewith nip any growing spiritual ambition in the bud. 

    After many years retreat I came to the conclusion, that a human beings physical constitution in particular was a big impediment for serious practitioners.
    I came to realise that the only way to remove these impediments was to retain mastery of the 5 elements, so that my practice did not have to be dependent on sustenance and health.

    […]
    I strongly aspired to master the
    6 yogas of Naropa.as well as the secret prana nadhi and bhindu
    At any cost I was determined to do train myself to master Tummo or Chandali.

    8.) rigid conservatism blocks the mind to open up to a more expanded wisdom.

    Another negative side-effect to religious bigotry is that it inhibits access to a more symbolic understanding on a higher level. To give you a Christian example:
    Look at the Genesis in the bible where god created the world in six days. Orthodox believers take each word of their religious book literal and therefore insist that the earth had to be created within a week – despite all scientific evidence to the contrary.

    The bible- , as well as the Torah version is:
    1. darkness & light, evening and the morning were the first day,
    2. heaven vs water were created on the second day
    3. dry land and plants on the third day,
    4. sun and stars on the fourth day,
    5. fish and water animals on the fifth day,
    6. land animals and humans on the sixth day,
    7. and finally a day off on the seventh day (which is the reason for us to have our weekends).

    The symbolism an open mind can see is:
    1. Light: Sun (it shines on the own self)
    2. Water: Moon (think of the lunar menstruation cycles and tides)
    3. dry land: (hot) Mars {energetic}
    4. heavenly firmament(higher mind): Mercury
    5. Water flows everywhere, like Spiritulity, which relates to Jupiter
    6. god said “be fruitful”(make love) : Venus
    7. day of rest: Saturn (the ruler of blockages and “the bill” for the past – hence better stay still for a while)

    Should you dismiss those planetary correlations, think about why Christians adopted the Jewish Weekdays which now are used around the world:
    The names say it all:
    Sunday, -> sunny boy
    Mo(o)nday, -> reflection
    (french) Mardi, -> warrior
    Mercredi, -> communication
    Jeudi, -> Spirituality
    Vendredi, -> love
    and Saturday. -> duty

    The better you understand those planetary or greek god aspects (which correlate with those planets), the more you can apply those cycles to your every day life.

    8.) The lack of 60-90% of Jesus’ life

    The biggest hole in the bible, however for me was and still is that Jesus mysteriously was just away” for 18-30 years.
    This smells like either a purpose censorship in order to preserve the story of Jesus as the sun of god;
    and/or a lack of knowledge and therewith understanding of the one person’s life around whom much of the Quoran and a third of the bible evolves.

    For me, however, it makes much more sense that he meanwhile was learning spiritual disciplines to become a gnostic, so to me personally Jesus was a highly evolved spiritual master, whose words carry profound meanings until this day.

    So I don’t take him as part of a personified creator god and it doesn’t make sense to me that he did absolve humankind of all sins, when I see most humans continuing to live wrongly.

    To me by conveying that he “is the way” means that he fully recognised his own divinity, offered himself merely as a spiritual guide – not to become a crutch for a huge institution to accumulate financial wealth and power – something he aggressively fought with the pharisees and temple merchants against.

    Actually, considering the law of attraction which states that one becomes what is in ones mind;
    this could even be the reason why Jesus now is abused to serve as a flagship of the largest sect of humankind: His axis of consciousness was to fight against such powers so ironically he posthumous was turned into one.

    Instead of Jesus being “the son of god”, the Church wants us to believe,
    to me personally he is “the sun of god” – the ray which connects to the divinity within each of us.

    Hence I am inspired by his gnostic path, which is the reason I was so attracted to Sodarshan Chakra Kriya later,
    because amongst undoubtedly many other methods, spiritual yoga
    {in opposition of the contemporary propagated mere physical one}
    is designed to elevate our human presence to its highest levels.

    article #5: the intellectual western approach to a personified god >

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 21:39 on 2019-06-12 Permalink | Reply

      Very erudite and well composed article that rings a bell within me. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

    • sitting bull 21:46 on 2019-06-12 Permalink | Reply

      I am so glad that you find the time to read articles again, JV !
      And I am very grateful for your continuing inspiration in times of me restructuring the direction where this blog is going – thank you – also for you teaching me to improve my english – I didn’t know the word erudite for example.

      Like

  • sitting bull 12:46 on 2019-05-27 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , bible, , , , , JEWISH, QUORAN, , religious criticism, TORAH   

    religion#3 : my trinity against religions 

    Yesterday I listed 3 emotional criticisms which led to me having left the catholic church and today I tell you 3 more cognitive reasons against religions.

    4.) The errors of old books

    The main and most obvious error lies actually in those texts which are taken as the absolute word of god.
    If they are taken at face value for contanining the absolute word of god, then why did god leave humankind in ignorance until then? Were all humans before the book appeared not worthy of receiving god’s word?
    Logic dictates that a believer in one of those religious texts has to dismiss all previous books as erroneous, which then renders the question why only their book is the right one, which then inevitably leads to an elitist attitude – something which usually is contraindicated.

    A display of the ignorance of elitism is the fact that people usually stick to the religion they were born into – they should reconsider if they aren’t willing to convert to another faith, why should others convert to theirs?

    When arguing with any orthodox religious fanatics the main argument which ever comes again is:
    “but in my childhood-(fairy-)tale (which is the only truth) is written…”
    It simply does not make any sense for me why people would be so stupid and stubborn to still believe in some book which is full of errors, inconsistencies. only because they were dogmatised with it as a child.

    The Jewish Torah and parts of the old testament of the Christian bible are identical.
    Both have a protagonist who in countless examples did set up traps to sin for human kind, only to kill millions of them for failing god’s temptations later, whilst it’s antagonist, Satan, however did not kill anyone.
    This list of bible errors shows that it definitely can’t be understood literally, but should be viewed in a spiritual context. The same goes for the Quran and most other religious texts.

    It took me a while to realise what is going on there:

    Religion is actually an issue of our inner child. We were conditioned to fear, love and cherish a certain authority and our inner child holds on to the first concept because we fear that without the continuation of cherishing it we would loose our own innocence. So religious people continue hammering their own conditioning into the next ones in order to ensure the survival of their own innocence.

    The flaw in this logic is that the brotherly love which is preached is violated by trying to force others to adhere to religious people’s own conditioning, merely to ensure its authorisation to what believers belief to be their innocence.

    Tthe irony, however, is that innocence can not be preserved in a glass-jar but has to be reclaimed on a daily basis through ones sincerity and moral integrity.

    5.) an unhealthy encrustation twisting good values into polluted ones

    Since the total dedication to an ancient book (whether it is the Torah, the Quoran, the Bible, or talks from spiritual masters of any direction) are a “frozen in time” approach, they contain many obsolete teachings which were great advice at the time, but in our times are now not only obsolete, but also sometimes even counterproductive. Just to pick out three:

    • The old Testament or Torah approach for “an eye for an eye’ was meant to limit violence to an adequate level (meaning not to kill without a reason),
      but in times where justice is blurred by complexity of justice, political behind-the-scenes-strategies and weapons of mass-destruction, such a philosophy is used to turn the public opinion into a mere justification for violence which drives the spiral of violience higher and higher.
    • The rule for Jews and Muslims not to eat pork was a good protection agains the Trichinosis , which was not known 2000 years ago, but in times of fridges and scientific food-control, is outdated.
    • The advice of the Bible to “be fruitful and multiply” when the world population was only 150-300 million humans small, was great advice to ensure the tribal survial, but in our times of overpopulation, it strongly should be reconsidered whether bringing more humans onto this planet of whom most due to their low-consciousness-behaviour destroy it. Reality meanwhile made a full circle and the only ones who should multiply are the species us humans did endanger.

    6.) The circular reasoning prohibiting a versatility

    I once was invited to watch a very long video in which someone “proofed” that god would exist. The big flaw of that house of cards was that it all started by the assumption that god would exist and then brainwashed people into such a complexity that the producers certainly hoped for the viewer to have lost their own initial train of thought by the end of it.

    In the same way there usually is no way to argue scientifically with creationists, because the entire discussion is founded on the belief they were indoctrinated by their only book and therewith has to take place on their turf, meaning within their mental construct.


    Whenever you find so called “proofs” for miracles or god on the web, enjoy them, but be clear that there a real proof is not a spectacular confirmation of the posters desire for reality to be to their liking.

    I don’t say that god doesn’t exist; but merely define the divine as an all pervading force, something which cannot be imposed on others, but has to be explored over decades within oneself.

    Here is the follow up post about why religions even can turn into a spiritual hinderance.

    article #4: 3 spiritual issues with religion >

     
  • sitting bull 21:16 on 2019-05-18 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Catholicism, , Church, , monotheism, nazi, Protestantism,   

    religion #1: The religious influence of my parents 

    In opposition to my father who came from the poorest class, my mother came from a successful business family with an educated upbringing in manners – something I fortunately do participate from until now, whenever I meet people of higher classes or standards.

    Just to show you how much did change within the last century: Even though both sides were very religious, my grandfather was originally protestant but had to convert to my grandmother’s religion, because two generations ago it was still unthinkable for protestants to marry catholics and vice versa. You probably wouldn’t believe it, but even to marry outside ones village was unorthodox for some (which was probably the cause for the incestual byproduct of a “village-idiot” to have been seen in each village).

    This by the way is the reason why I do believe mixed races to be a blessing of a fresh genetic pool to monocultural races. Fortunately for me, my ancestors mixed – if not in races than at least in cultures:

    My poor grandparents of my father’s side, in ignorance of the Nazi’s committed atrocities, bought into their simplistic slogans (as simple minded people do), whilst my mother’s wealthy parents hated Hitler, because he did split up the good connection they had to the french border region of Alsace, where their main office was located.

    To protect themselves from Nazi-informers they had their obligatory picture of Hitler hanging on the wall, but as soon as visitors left, did turn it around to the side which did show a religious picture of Mary who is revered by Catholics.

    So by having been baptised as a baby I was made a member of the Catholic church without even having chosen it myself. This was my first issue with Christianity, even though I only discovered it when I was 18 and had to pay my first taxes in Berlin.

    Maybe living away from home helped, but I then decided not to pay a membership-fee for a club I never actually chose to be in. So I did leave the Church.

    One of the reasons Christianity was more a burden than a bliss to me, was the dogma that
    in order to be loved by a father-like authority-figure I first would have to believe in “him” –
    a concept which to me does not seem to be unconditional love at all, but an extortion by the means of fear.

    This dogma by monotheists was actually hammered so deep into my brain that up to this day this damocles-sword still lingers subconsciously over my head when dismissing any kind of superior creator god.

    Much later I did discover the value of first believing in the concept of a leap of faith which can be a basis for miraculous transformations; but it took me many decades to detach it from the concept of a punishing god.

    So my current position is that I am a strong believer of fearlessly following ones own deeper beliefs;
    yet instead of hoping for some daddy to “come to the rescue”,
    to evolve oneself to a state in which mind controls matter.

    article #2: my 3 emotional issues with religion >

     
  • sitting bull 12:28 on 2019-05-09 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ancestors, choleric, failure, family and relatives, father, grandparents, mars, parents, resolution, sanquine   

    my first resolution and dilemma about my manhood 

    Like anybody, I also am a conglomerate of the different energies I did inherit from my ancestors.

    I was told that my great grandfather used to be a kind of jack of all trades who (way ahead of his times) 100 years ago drew up two organic foods for goats, made ballet shoes for the theatre Freiburg, and also had a shoe shop at the most beautiful part of town which in war (due to lack of water) he had to watch to burn down without being able to extinguish it.

    There must be some truth to the astrological saying that if someone’s ascendent (the direction one walks to) is a gemini (a person who has many interests), the then one of their parents also seem to be a gemini: My grandfather, father (who was a gemini) and myself also were were similar versatile, and my ascendent is also gemini.

    Even though he was totally poor, my grandfather was very intelligent, sensitive, and had many talents – in the second world war he had to get food for the army (he claimed to have done that to avoid to have to shoot humans), he was a great cook (it took him an entire day to cook his legendary Christmas duck), was very musical, taught himself to play a little bit piano, was very versatile in many crafts, could play chess very well (always was beating my father, who always was winning against me in chess), and was reading books from different cultures, few of his time did read – from the secret power of the Jesuits up to the Bhagavad Gita.

    ~~~

    I think in evolution there is a dynamic that energies swing from one side to another, because my grandfather, in opposition to my grandmother, was the sensitive one, my father then the fighter, and me again extremely emotional.

    My grandmother was a very simple woman – whilst my grandfather was a bear, she was tiny, thin, always frantically running around, but despite her frail appearance had a choleric trade, who hit my sister and me on occasion with our trouser suspenders. Because I had no understanding of anger as a child, when they were arguing, it often looked really funny to me, because my “Opa” reminded me of Obelix, and my “Oma” of Asterix.

    In reconstruction one can’t blame her, who was of the lowest class – a farm laborer, for her character trade, because she was raised by a classic “evil stepmother” who supposedly did purposely put hair in her soup.
    Somehow she even had very simple and naive rules which somehow are wisdoms I still do remember, such as “you can’t serve two lords”, meaning in her mind that one can’t serve the devil and god, and even though I don’t believe in Satan, I think in spiritual terms she did have a point, when juxtaposing low consciousness greed against a higher mind of serenity.

    As it is the case with unresolved issues, they are past on to the children, so she at times left her baby – my father who was raised as a single child – sitting at the toilet for up to four hours, so you can imagine him having had his issues also.

    ~ ~ ~

    In post WW2 Germany, everything was bombed, so my father, who was just 3 years old when the war started, was used to have to work really hard for everything in his life: He had to help to help everywhere, due to war-issues had to change schools 15 times (which did turn the small but strong guy into a lone fighter), studied very hard to become a sports- German- and history-teacher, later created a totally new kind of job which combined school with theatre, and had a passionate side which did inspire and amuse many.

    But he also inherited the choleric trade from my grandmother, which despite him having been a warm-hearted dad who was really good in teaching us kids things, at times turned him into a moody tyrant at home, so that our mother, after he came out of his daily naps, often warned us to hide somewhere in order to avoid slaps in the face.

    But even on his moody days, in society he played always the great and funny guy, so as soon as visitors came, he was the most hospital guy ever – only to instantly treat us harsh again, as soon as they left.
    This is why I got a sixth sense for the dominance of many revered stars and even spiritual teachers and see right through their veil of image cultivation (as you could see in my critical articles about Yogi Bhajan – the only person btw, I criticise by name, because he is dead, and I am not out to hurt living ones).

    I then made my first unspoken life-resolution:
    Never become as dominant as my father
    and give as much space to others as possible.

    This, however turned out to become a difficult endeavour, because (besides his emotive affection for dogs) I also did inherit his strong marsian fire of on one hand being able to make people laugh a lot and on the other hand having a potential for being really furious.

    So I was set up for the first dilemma of my life –
    wanting to suppress an inherited energy, which is a literally inherent part of me.
    On one hand, if I dismiss my propensity for aggression, I might become a tyrant,
    but on the other hand, if I succeed, I end up literally emasculated.

    To avoid this catch-22 situation, in school I usually turned into the class clown in order to compensate my frustration with the education system in humorous sarcasm without getting into fights.

    So whenever you see people who fail to fulfil societies requirements of contributing to the national gross income, are homeless, or make a fool out of themselves, remember that such childhood-imprints could be one of the reasons for it.

     
  • sitting bull 1:01 on 2019-05-05 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , semites, teenager   

    religion #0: How I was raised to believe 

    Maybe a good way to start a spiritual autobiography is with god.

    The experience:

    Like most people I grew up being taught by my parents in what to believe, so I took on their faith which in my case was their catholic Christian god.

    Because my grandmother told us that children’s prayer would reach the clouds, I did my best to pray.

    My parents made me an altar-boy (who always forgot to ring the bells in time, who unknowingly did light his own hair with the own confirmation candle, who missed to visit his own house when walking through the celebration of the “three wise Kings” and who made kids involuntary cry when having to play Santa Claus’ helper “Knecht Ruprecht” – because the costume I got was too small for me; so in order to be able to wear the cap sawn on it, I had to walk like a hunchbag all the time.

    In church, I usually could relate best to the sentence at the end of each mess: “thanks to our lord god” ,
    and I also thanked him that this boring event was over.

    It also got on my nerves that the conservative priest did twist our ears when we hadn’t attended Sunday mess (not knowing that we were there on Saturdays), and I disliked that there always were people taller than me blocking my view, so I visualised god mowing them all down to my size.
    Decades later a tiny woman told me that she and her small family was actually always standing behind me and she had cursed me out multiple times for exact the same reason.

    But then again, there was nothing to see anyway, except for an authoritarian god-father figure painted on the wall which for decades did “put the fear of god into me” – a phrase I could not really relate to.

    Such is the fear of god, that one subconsciously feels afraid when not believing in “him”.

    I wondered anyway why god should be male. I think god should be called “it”, because if it is everything why the heck should it be limited to a gender role?
    Yay, hardcore-feminists out there, here is something for you to fight against: go after the Abrahamic version of a macho-god, instead of attacking me for having balls !

    To strengthen my fate, as a gift for my completed A-levels, my parents generously payed for a trip to see the biblical places of Israel, so I went with a religious group for an exchange with Arab Chrisians who lived near a Kibbuz, but that dudb’t go as my parents hoped for, because
    * at the original stations of the cross they sold crowns of thorns for tourists;
    * in Betlehem they told every visitor to crawl into some tiny space where Jesus was supposed to be born, to “kiss it, touch it, make a photo!“,
    * and in the midst of summer they sang “silent night, holy night” whilst the priest entered the church, holding up a plastic Jesus.
    So I pretty much was done with the church, but also
    * the Islamic golden temple was not better, when feeling a vertical hole in a rock in which Mohamed supposedly did put his foot in: I wondered: how could anyone put his foot in there sideways, and why did the imprint remind me more of that of a goat’s foot than a human one? #allFake&greed

    And seeing members of all 3 Abrahamic religions fight amongst each other made me loose faith in all of them alltogether.
    For me the terminology “anti-semitism” for example is already a distorted victim-consciousness, because not only Israelis are semites, but the entire part of north Africa -including exactly those who sarcastically are called “antisemitic“.

    So whenever I had teenager crises I did regret not having anyone to pray to, but at least I was authentic for not using god in an opportunistic way.

    I also found out that Jesus’ birth definitely was not around the year zero, because passages about Herod the (not so) great who supposedly was killing tons of kids in order to also kill Jesus, died 4 years BC (meaning before Christ was even born!).
    The only way you can explain Herod’s “premature killjoy-ejaculation” is by claiming that our calender was arbitrary constructed afterwards.
    But then again – so is the entire bible itself.

    Later I discovered that Christmas was put onto December to override the Germanic winter-solstice Yule-fest, for me this seemed less as a “merry Christmas” than a “maryChristAndMess”.

    Also eastern obviously used to be a spring-pagan festival – with symbols of fertility such as eggs and the rabbit (which – to make matters worse – the bible falsely declares to be a ruminant ^^).

    Ok, I thought, the reason Christians cling onto their Bible,
    is because in the new testament it is stated that no word should be added, nor taken away.
    All good …
    … except for the fact that in the old testament any alteration or addition to the book already was forbidden.
    So logic dictates that the entire new testament is a sin, because it is added when long time ago the Biblepart corresponding to the. Jewish Torah requested nothing to be changed.

    Overall it seemed to me that faith is like the conditioning of small elephant-babies, which are tied to a rope on a peg.

    When they later are grown to be huge they still don’t try to break free from their tiny rope, because they are conditioned that the rope would be unescapable.

    Adyashanti once said that orthodox religions were meant to serve as “welcome mats” to guide us into our own house of self-realisations, but unfortunately most people are stuck worshipping the welcome mat itself, instead of entering the house of their self.

     
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