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  • sitting bull 13:01 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: length, , time   

    Meditation games to counteract boredom 

    To bridge the gap I first offer a short explanation what Meditation is, and then give you some ideas for games which make it more fun to grow into it:

    Ok, so we have the two kinds of people: The ones who propagate meditation and the ones who hate it.

    The problem is that all Meditators convey is “do it”, which does not explain at all why we should sit around and ‘wait’ for the end.
    To a real down to earth person meditation must justified seem like a total stupid waste of time without any hard graspable effects.

    First of all, Meditation is not a mere waiting in the sense of sitting out the moment in order to ‘kill’ time.
    (If it would be possible to kill time, we wouldn’t get bored, would we?)

    Meditation is the process of putting a temporal fence around your monkey-mind or a round pen around your internal wild horse to calm it down.
    Many try to force their horse to sit still within that fence, but that makes meditation a killer.
    My first meditation teacher was such a guy and I ended dropping it altogether.

    Then a much more wise and gentle vietnamese Buddhist monk told me:
    “Simply let your mind run out, until it is exhausted and calms down itself”.

    But how can you let your fire-horse-mind calm down?

    By not putting oil into the flames of your constant flood of new ideas.
    For example, if you are sitting in meditation and think: “I have to go shopping afterwards”, then pit that thought into your own virtual patient waiting room and simply say: I deal with it later – “next please!”.

    I can give you an example how this doesn’t work, and then you know what not to do:
    If you want to quiet your mind and I tell you “don’t think of a pink elephant!”, what does come into your mind? Of course a pink elephant. So don’t fight against specific issues, but let everything fade out naturally.

    This, btw, is also the best way to deal with malevolent trolls: Don’t fight against them but as they say: “Don’t feed the trolls!”, (especially not the worst ones, which are the ones within your own mind.)

    There is a huge resistance in you not wanting to face the moment and that tricks you into solving worldly important issues, such as “if I have to go shopping later, what will my shopping list be?”. This is how you put oil into the flame

    A nice way is to remember your self-worth:
    That you are just having a few “Me-only”-minutes and shouldn’t spoil them with your shopping list.
    Remember: What is more important, the divine you or the shopping?
    The shopping should serve you, and not you the shopping list.

    Most people don’t treat themselves with the dignity they deserve, but do it for their lover. So simply remember: Would you treat someone you deeply love and only see for 15 minutes before flying of for the rest of the day with non-attention? And would you like to be treated this way? So give to your divine self what it deserves!

    As a rule of thumb for the length: Consider when you first learned and practiced meditation. From that day on add a virtual second to each next day, meaning after a year you should be able to meditate 6 minutes, after two years 12 minutes and after a decade it could be possible for you to meditate for an entire hour (but you don’t have to – rather do 15 minutes than none).
    (Of course you will have breaks in between, but this is a guidline, which time-length to get back to, once you stopped it for a while.)

    It is btw more effective to do every day 10 minutes than once a week 70 minutes, because your mind does not have to rest as your body does but needs daily vitamins of your medi.

    But then there still is the dreadful time-length 😮

    This is a bummer, because there is only so much patience, before your inner monkey gains consciousness again and starts rebelling.

    Ways to train your animal-mind to become patient, is to feed it intermittently with little rewards by honouring its limits.
    One reward is to know how much you did accomplish yet, so you can set yourself two timers: one for your fiery monkey, and one for your goal.

    Let’s say you have 5 minutes patience but want to train yourself up to 20 minutes, so what you do is to set yourself a timer for 20 minutes and one for 5 minutes. And then start them both simultaneously at the begin of your mediation.

    After 5 minutes the first alarm goes of and you may end your meditation then. And if you had a good day and were surprised about time flying by, then, sit a little bit longer, and as soon as you get impatient, quit and look at your second 20 minute timer to remember how many minutes you did manage to meditate altogether.

    If you found it easy 3 times in a row to do 5 minutes, then increase that timer to 6 minutes and see how things go from there. You get the picture.

    If you ask about what kind of meditation is best for you,
    simply choose the one you feel drawn to
    (whether it is because it is fun or because you respect it most).
    Over the years your approach will change automatically.

    The most important step in the beginning is only to put a foot into the door of spirituality.

    Another question is:
    Am I allowed to look at the timer to see how much suffering I still have ahead of myself?

    My recommendation is: Put that timer out of sight (like turning it around), because if it is in front of your eyes, as soon as you open them, you inevitably will have seen the remaining time, which you probably did not intent to.

    Then when you really want to know the time, first estimate how many minutes you did sit already, or how many you estimate to be left.
    This might take a while in itself but is a great exercise for your temporal intuition. Always estimate the time before looking at the clock, because this way you create your reality, else you get the feeling of leaving it up to fate.

    Initially you want to check often how much time passed,
    but there comes a time when you want to see it only as late as possible,
    because you learned, that if you looked to early, you only got frustrated about having so much time left to meditate.

    Another aspect is denial of this moment:

    It is amazing how many ways we come up with to suddenly make our minds busy – from calculating things, over worrying up to excited plans of the future. But ultimately you will realise that all those issues are prosponable and actually best to be solved straight after meditation, because you did prepare your mind to focus.

    So enjoy the time afterwards and simply hang around – it is usually the best time in which you get the most ideas and insights. And don’t let any non-meditator force you straight into immediate action, because you deserve your contemplation-time – just consider it to be a (most pleasant) part (and reward) of meditation.

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  • sitting bull 23:30 on 2019-08-28 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 1999, career-blow, , , , hollywood, markus nispel, , schwarzenegger   

    How my bad luck did come in threes 

    Chronology of an epic downfall #2

    You could call me an entrepreneur-personality, always thinking positive and searching for ways to make the world a better place.
    I also never thought of giving up and long before knowing about it thought in terms of the law of attraction – that thinking positive does attract alike.

    As an example: After
    1.) Having been kicked out of the USA, and
    2.) discovered that my TCM-diploma did not count in Germany, I instantly invented a Moxa-pyramid but did not have the energy to follow up on a production – bright mind, but non-consistent energy.

    I also was the kind of guy who always gave everything – having always loved movies, you could have put me into any movie-project (as pretty much anything) and like the stars I would have worked my ass of up to my limits, because I always did believe that you succeed if you go the extra mile, the sluggish masses aren’t willing to invest.
    To show you how dedicated I was to put my full heart into any mission, I tell you a story:

    A friend, who still lived in New York knew an MTV-director called Markus Nispel, who at times (when MTV still did play music clips fulltime) did direct 45 minutes of one hour MTV. He then became a Hollywood-director and had the chance of doing the movie “end of days” with Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose winning-attitude I admired.

    ‘Normal’ people would not even think about grasping so high and stick to their small world, but because I always was striving to thrive, you can imagine how excited I did jump to that occasion and persuaded my friend to give my demo to Nispel. As soon as he agreed I got myself an old Atari computer which I used as a sequencer.

    Because the movie was supposed to be about Satan in NYC, I composed
    1. first something really sinister,
    2. then a second track with movie-like sound-effects:
    3. and to show that I was capable, also a very beautiful song
    4. (which was a remake an old saxophone-song of mine)
    You can listen to all 4 tracks in a row here if you simply let the player play

    (Btw. I did play and compose everything myself – you can stop after track 4)

    Then I borrowed a video player from my parents and did record all Schwarzenegger movies I could borrow in the video-store (without even being able to watch them, because I had no TV).
    I did record and cut hundreds of his phrases onto a minidisk player,
    wrote a script from then, sampled them, and then did put together a funny fake-interview with Schwarzenegger, which you can listen to here:

    Overall I worked for 3 months for at least for 16 hours every day if not more: Got up, jumped to the equipment, got myself a pizza, continued, and in the evening went to a nearby pub for an hour to often continue further afterwards.

    And then the tragedy happened:

    The old Atari I got from a friend broke down and as it turned out, beforehand had overwrite all 4 security copies I made with ones and zeros, so the entire music was lost !!!

    And when I went to the pub to tell people my tragedy, those rednecks simply nodded non-empathically, because they had no idea how it is to ‘give it all’ and pour your entire heart-blood into something for 3 months. (Not even to mention the loss of a heaven I nearly grasped, because I SO MUCH would have wanted to get back to the USA straight away.)

    Just so that you understand why you can hear those lost tracks now:
    In my desperation I convinced my parents to sponsor a tiny home-studio, bought an Apple and a sequencer-keyboard, which took ages, because I had no experiences with computers and had to research everything.
    Then I did reconstruct all those abstract songs out of my head,
    but by the time I was finished with it all, it turned out that the director had canceled his contract with Hollywood because the studios didn’t want to put up the money for his desired special effects.

    When telling local friends about it, I could literally sense that they felt that I was crazy for even having tried to put a foot into Hollywood. Such is the energy of the small-minded local people in my hometown: They watch you in anticipation whether you are going to make it, but if you fail, they smirk priggish.

    This was the third major blow to my ambitions.
    {and the path was about to spiral down further}ca

    {You will find the previous and follow up stories in the menu under
    >bio->karmic lessons}

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:22 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      I feel sad about your loss and don’t know how you could bear it, pick yourself up and keep going. Reminded of the quote “Greatness is not in never falling but picking up youself every time you fall”

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:38 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        You are so right!
        I once heard a similar positive affirmation about picking oneself up in a movie and it kept me going up to this day.
        I am certain you also had your fair share – somehow it shows, because blows of fate seem to create tender hearts and therewith improve the Karma.
        Maybe that is the literal sense of the word “de-serve”: Through such incidents we de-serve what we accumulated karmically beforehand.

        Like

  • sitting bull 15:06 on 2019-08-25 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: addiction, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    OMG (Om, I, God) – the better half 

    The god-experiment part 2

    In part 1 I told you about the horizontal intellectual axis between
    Atheist / Agnostic <——————– vs —————–> orthodox Believer

    To explore the vertical intuitive Axis (which I will explain at the end),
    I seriously dedicated myself to the nebulous ‘divine’ (for 4 months now and ongoing)
    as described by an Iranian mystic of the 13th century;
    to explore the subject in the most global and versatile way possible:

    1. Putting god to a critical test from an Agnostic point of assuming nothing,
    2. following Gnosticism, which originated in Hellenistic Judaism
    3. inspired by an Islamic account of 9 months divine experience
    4. I used wisdoms I found in the Sikh ‘bible’ Siri Guru Granth Sahib,
    5. which is based on a combination of Hindu yoga techniques, such as prana yoga or Jalandhala Bhanda,
      implements a Bhakti tradition of worshipping the divine,
    6. and comes close to the Christian Jesus prayer,
    7. with a the Buddhist state of mind of non-attachment and exploring the absolute.

    I did this by the means of a yoga-prayer-meditation, called Sodarshan Chakra Kriya.
    Let’s first continue from part 1-3 on our journey through religions.

    4. the Eastern intuitive path

    The reason why ever more Westerners loose their faith in traditional religions and turn towards Eastern wisdoms, is that the Abrahamic religions lost their touch to spirituality and therewith merely offer the comfort of holding on to a straw of hope of being saved out of the misery of their suffering due to ignorance.

    In India there was never a need for such a power struggle, between one or many gods, because from the beginning,
    their broad range of believes, wisdoms and philosophies, allowed for thousands of deities, which do serve as manifestations of individual worship-needs or character trades, whilst above it all an unfathomable abstract higher intelligence called the OM was recognised .
    Since Westerners couldn’t grasp that versatility, the British did put all directions, which did tolerate and embrace each other, into the box of one religion they called Hinduism.

    Meanwhile in China:
    Around the 4th century BC Daoism emerged, which taught Yin & Yang, and with a rich wealth in non-religious understandings of the universe, such as the Tao Te Ching, the fortune telling principles of the universe I Ching (which goes back to 1000 BC), and the medical Texts Neijing and Nanjing which are the foundations of traditional Chinese Medicine.

    So Chinese culture proves that religion is not a necessity for our spiritual evolution.

    5. Mysticism vs faith

    Whilst in mainstream religions, the dogma of faith is usually a prerequisite of any bliss thereafter, the destruction of our intuitive faith, as described beforehand lead to secularisation, and its value being totally turned around:
    Before the Age of Reason, which ironically is called ‘Age of Enlightenment’; intuitive ‘knowledge’ did take predominance over objective rationality. Since then objectivity is taken as a guaranty for truth.

    Whilst this seems to be a progress, it came at a loss of the contact with our subconsciousness with detrimental effects:

    The marginalisation of faith into the realm a subjectivism, which is overwritten by objective science led to a twist of the terminologies “faith” and “knowledge“.
    Everything that we think to know by the means of science requires a believe in machines like micro- and telescopes, which we have to rely on for our knowledge of the micro- and macrocosm.

    You may have just skipped over that sentence, but hold on and think for a second: What do you really KNOW and what do you BELIEVE? You might be surprised.
    Nearly all scientific experiments (the ones which rely on machines), do require our belief in the accuracy of the correct display by those gadgets. So we believe in what our gadgets tell us, but don’t know our gut-feelings anymore.

    The conspiracy theory about a flat-earth is a perfect example of the subconscious fight of scientific knowledge vs own intuition.
    People lost contact with their own sense of reality , but also don’t trust the scientific dogmas anymore. So their egos rather create conspiracies, then admitting to themselves that they are simply lost and have to find new ways to reconnect to their self as well as to conduct science.

    Another example of the loss in intuition is our chronological interpretation of time, which first was propagated on the clocks of church-towers. Whilst the division of time is practical, useful and today essential;
    time, before clocks existed, did hot have today’s quantitative connotation, but was seen for its quality as a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ time and allowed to for the spiritual virtue of being ‘in the here and now’.
    (Astrology, for example, is the science about the quality of time).

    You can make an experiment and listen to contemplative music whilst looking at the time display – and then hide the display and continue listening. You then can sense time differently.
    Here is a suitable song I once composed, which you can use for it:
    (best listen with headphones or base-speakers)
    Whilst it plays, keep moving your mouse over the video, then let go of your mouse and as the timeline disappears keep listening how the music affects you in a non-linear fashion. You can repeat this a few times over the duration of this song.

    The Chinese Buddhist Huangbo Xiang from the 8th century did sum the difference between intellectual and intuitive understanding of ‘the divine’, which he did call ‘the absolute’ up brilliantly:

    The substance of the absolute is inwardly, like wood or stone, in that it is motionless,
    and outwardly like the void, in that, it is without bounds or obstructions.

    It is neither subjective, nor objective, has no specific location, is formless and can not vanish.

    Those who hasten towards it, dare not enter, fearing to hurdle down through the void, with nothing to cling to, or to stay their fall,
    so they look to the brink in retreat.

    This refers to all those who seek such a goal through cognition.

    Thus – those who seek the goal through cognition are the many, [like hair on a cow]
    while those, who obtain intuitive knowledge of the way are the few. [like horns on a bull]


    And finally now I get to let you know how the non-intellectual mystical approach towards god did so far manifest for me:

    In the entire 2.5 hours I sat, on average I usually only managed to fully focus for one tiny minute on this unfathomable abstract of god, which Sikhs call “Waheguru”.

    First I clinged on focussing on the word “Waheguru”, and after 3 months, when my impatient refusal to focus on this (nearly annoying, because ungraspable) subject slowly dissipated, I started to be immersed in temporary fields of focus,
    and after 4 months I sometimes descended into a state of trance which goes down the rabbit hole in different layers:

    1. Visual:
      Random archetypal images sometimes pop up (something spiritual beginners know from taking hallucinogenic drugs, or non-drug takers know from when not having slept up to the point of being severely over-tired).
      But the difference is that those are the same effects without dissolving my self, meaning that I am not prone to fate, carrying me wherever my subconscious just floats.
    2. Kinaesthetic:
      Deeper is the level in which I sense my electromagnetic energy-field expanding. You can imagine this field like your aura getting bigger. This has some mystical quality beyond intellectual morality. A neutrality which can be described in a dark way like Dracula or the Lord of the Ring at night in a castle surrounded by dragons, or in a light way as the majestetic serenity of huge angels (who often in the bible had to greet people with ‘fear not!’).
    3. Auditory:
      Thinking “Waheguru” for me is usually like hearing it in my brain. Only once within 25 years, I literally heared it out of my belly, meaning that my consciousness was literally centered.
    4. My eyes start to focus automatically towards the tip of the nose, which made me realise that the mention in the description of the Kriya were not meant as an instruction but as a description of the effect it has.
    5. The grainy picture you see when you simply close your eyes also gave a sense of an energy field surrounding me, like being in the midst of the vast universe of stars – at times the part in front of my eyes became brighter, either grey, white or blueish.
    6. Then a state of bliss and majestic serenity, occurs –
      yet again it can be compared to the relaxing aspect of smoking weed, but without that stupefying and numbing part.
      After experiencing it, I understood why highly spiritual evolved people don’t want to destroy that by engaging with others, whether to impress, nor to argue with them.
    7. Once I gave up an issue, to be solved by ‘the divine’. And due to letting this go, and allowing for literal “in-spiration”, this universal energy-field started to flow into instead of out from me and I realised that the expanding of my own aura in the previous points still was attached to an egocentric perspective of the world.
      I then learned why ‘the ego’ is shunned as a hinderance on the spiritual path.
    8. Other effects I felt was for example that my face somehow is much older than my body (and I am talking lifetimes here, not years).
    9. Longterm effects are:
      that over the years it took me to build up this exercise, I seem to have matured by one year within one month, so it corrected many discrepancies in me, which you can see in many people who are partly great and partly like a child.
    10. Overall there comes a deeper intuitive understanding of people which leads in a preventive course-correction before they even realise that I was on the way to annoy them.

    Considering that those were fruits of just having been able to focus for one minute – imagine what can be possible to the ones who manage to focus throughout an entire session!

    The similarity between the drug and the mystical experiences made me aware that (illegal as well as legal) drugs are only needed by the rigid minds who cling to their books and rules.
    Think about it: The word “ad-diction” translates from Latin to “cling onto words”.
    In German addiction means “Sucht“, which translated back into English as “seeking”.
    So addictives actually often are people with a high spiritual potential who simply seek for something, their soul longs for, but society did not offer them yet.

    I got a glimpse that as soon as someone manages to totally open up oneself for all the Qi, Prana, or energy literally miracles may happen.


    However – the difficulty to accomplish that, is that we first have to ridden ourselves from any kind of egotistical self-definition, something I did work on for 25 years and just reach the brink of sensing that there is something beyond.

    And the dilemma is that once we do open ourselves up for the universe,
    all previously hidden worldly entanglements float in first.
    So don’t expect results for quite a while – it could be decades to work through it;

    But then again – at the same time, it only takes a minute of pure focus to really dive into a glimpse of an entire world which can be expected afterwards. The hearing ‘Waheguru’ from my belly was an experience within the very first month after just having accomplished to do the Kriya properly.

    Even though I never had this experience anymore, this glimpse of clarity did show me that I am on the right path, and kept me going for more the remaining time of my life.

    So my conclusion is that you can’t actively force to find god,
    you can only allow the divine to flow right through you.

    Is obvious to us that a group works best, if some small part does not take on a life of its own – whether it is a member of a community or some cells in your body. So the first step to empty oneself for the overall energy flowing in, out and through.
    But that does by no means that you shan’t have the ambitions to be special, because every organ is unique and even must be it.
    To bring this contradiction (of allowing to merge with the absolute versus living out your own life) together,
    think of each organ needing the blood which flows through the entire body, whilst at the same time has to fulfil its own, and only its very own function – not the one of anyone else.

    As promised, I close this article by telling you the difference between the intellectual horizontal,
    and the intuitive vertical axis: If you take the A from ‘Agonisticism’, and the ‘v’ from ‘Believer’ as Arrows, to turn the axis like a dial clockwise, you end up with a new axis, …


    Agnostic <———————- vs ———————-> orthodox Believer

    … a second axis, which is not believers against non-believers anymore, but “experiencers” vs people who in latin are ‘at the word‘ (of their bibles) {as mentioned above = “ad-dicts”}.

    G
    N
    KNOW
    S
    T
    I
    C

    ^
    |
    AGNOSTIC <—————————-||————————-> GOD (Believe)
    |
    v

    D
    O
    G
    m
    a

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:02 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to read this article. I don’t know how to describe how I feel now. It is like some expansion within. Thank you, dear Thilo.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:06 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        … and you don’t know how grateful I am for your responses.
        (Especially, since they are the only ones which came – to my own surprise)

        Like

  • sitting bull 12:24 on 2019-08-24 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: acupuncture, aversion, bioresonance, boomerang, , , healing, hometown, , looser, unemployment   

    The karmic boomerang 

    Chronology of an epic downfall #1

    After I had been kicked out of the USA, without the chance to withdraw money, cancel my apartment or get any of my belongings out of the states, I did strand in London where I had no place to stay anymore.

    So I asked my old teacher of TCM to put me up and called my father to pay for the next flight ticket back to Germany. Setting up a new existance in the UK was literally impossible without a penny, so I was forced to go back to the very place I did try so hard to leave behind.

    I then stood in the same room I occupied as a child – the basement of my parents – a place which is ok to be in as a teenager,
    but considered to be a looser’s home when still staying there whilst being an adult.

    This was very hard, because I just came from the city which never sleeps, where I could shop at 4am at night, and suddenly found myself in a quiet village with nowhere to go, and my parents went to bed at 10pm.

    You have to know that there was still no internet around at that time,
    so that the only escape was the TV with its brain-numbing program and ads – all catered for the lowest intellectual denominator.

    In order not to fall into a depression I instantly switched on an activity mode and searched for a job, but to my dismay I found out that the diploma in TCM was worth nothing in Germany, because an old Nazi-law (which was incorporated into the post-WW Grundgesetz) stated that no one is allowed to heal unless he has a German qualitifaction called Heilpraktiker – a qualification for which someone has to be qualified at the level of a nurse, merely to learn what one is NOT allowed to treat – a total useless qualification under the pretence to ‘protect’ the population when in fact it does not even ensure any healing qualification.

    Since I had never an interest in western medicine and also did not plan to stay in Germany for the rest of my life, I rather looked for a job being employed by a doctor, and found one in a small town nearby, so I moved there. Soon I found out that this tiny town was full of squares or drunks and it turned out to be even more hostile than the village my parents did live in – one neighbour watching me from the opposite house, telling the neighbours in my house my life, who in return did eavesdrop at my door and balcony and did check out my place, when I once forgot to lock it.
    In short – I full force run into the worst of my German nightmares – a place which did embody the essence of narrow-mindedness.

    The doctor also turned out to having employed me merely for the reason that I was in his eyes willing to do any airy-fairy healing method he just learned, and the breaking point for me was me being in multiple seminars for doctors in which healing machines were taught, one of which was Bioresonance a therapy based on the Scientology tool ‘E-meter’.

    There, the speakers compared the picture of the human aura to their machine. The room was full of 200 dentists and everyone nodded weightily, but I stood up and told them that the scala of their machine was 10-times smaller than that of the aura, meaning that their machine would merely reach a tenth or much less of the human’s electromagnetic field.
    I then learned that all those degrees of titles the self-important western medical practitioners did obviously not enable them to think independently – they all did follow statistics like sheep.

    I also saw how bitter those doctors were: Here I was in the most expensive hotels and saw those rich doctors sitting there with grumpy faces, because they did believe that they had “earned” being there – they even complained when driving me with their expensive Mercedes-Benz somewhere that politics would take their money away.

    The most absurd moment was

    • The doctor I worked for ordered me to put the patient in front of a picture of the star-constellation of the Pleiades (because he claimed that we all come from there), to give the patient home-sickness.
    • Then I was supposed to use a pendulum to find the weakest spot on the patient’s back, and then
    • stick a photocopy of a massively enlarged DNA of a dove on it, which was cut multiple times so that it was not in order anymore. This was supposedly meant to be “satanic” and against the forces of nature, in order to weaken the patient.
    • Then I was supposed to put African Bachflower-remedies into the hand of the patient and do a Kinesiological test to find out the one which does weaken him most.
    • And then I had to put it in to the above mentioned ‘Bioresonanz-maschine’, and reverse the vibration to insert a maximal reversed negative vibration into the body.

    I then told my employer that I did not study for 4 years full-time in order to make experiments on human beings, and he sacked, so I was unemployed and moved to my hometown into a nice apartment in the hope that I would get another job soon.

    Unfortunately that did not happen and I was forced to move into a 30 SQM (300 SQF) one-bedroom apartment on the same floor, which ironically only had windows onto the road side side opposite offices, and their windows did reflect at night, so that my neighbours also could look into my room then.

    From there the only view was exactly to the place I did hate most as a child:
    my old school, and behind it the valley where my parents lived.

    So life pushed me straight back into my starting position, I worked on so hard to leave, for a quarter of a century.

    A karmic boomerang.

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:12 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      I admire your courage to lay your sole bare for all of us to experience. Thank you for sharing from your heart.
      It is not often I read an authentic account of ‘downfall’ . Often , people like to share thier ‘up-fall’. You have demonstrated that the direction is not absolute.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:34 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you, dear JV,
        that is exactly what I thought:
        In todays social-network-hype where everyone does their best to shine, reality is distorted and it is necessary to bring authenticity back to the web.

        What you say about the direction not being absolute is really inspiring and makes me think of another phase of “the phoenix rising out of the ashes” coming soon.

        Like

  • sitting bull 2:01 on 2019-08-23 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    OMG (Om, I, God) 

    The god-experiment

    From birth on we are conditioned into belief systems and believe to knowthe ultimate truth“, assuming that all generations beforehand were fools. Yet the fact is that believes did change throughout history, so much even, that they did turn around not only by 180°, but that even multiple times.

    Most humans do get their own beliefs strengthened when being affirmed by others.
    In one way this is good, because fine-tuning ones own beliefs protects us from becoming deranged;
    on the other hand, however, this often leads to believers wanting to strengthen their community by proselytising others, which in the end leads to an ever growing emotional resistance from either members of another faith or atheists.

    This article deals with the horizontal Axis of
    Atheists < ————————- vs ———————> Believers in a personified God

    and therewith is a crossover post of two other series:
    1.) It is part 5 of the series: Keys to understanding the universe and connects straight to part 2: up, down, left and right,
    2.) And it is a continuation on the series about Religion.

    Instead of joining the countless, endless and useless ping-pong games of throwing back and forth individual opinions;
    I decided to approach this subject in a scientific way,
    starting from an agnostic point of not knowing whether god exists, and not accepting the circular reasoning of referring to a single religious book, in order not to favour any direction.

    In this article you will find an intellectual exploration of the evolution of monotheism,
    and in order to look at the issues from all angles,
    and in the next article I will deal with the intuitive part of the divne,
    and will observe the vertical axis between material vs spiritual consciousness .

    It took me an entire year to find an objective approach for this subjective matter.

    1.) the oneness in the womb.

    a.) The internal (esoteric) view correlating to the nervous system

    The history of religion shows that the first indices of religion were burial sites, which are an homage to “mother earth” and the internal self.

    There was Eru, the one are the first words of Tolkien’s the Silmarillion – the book which introduces the entire mythology of the Lord of the Rings.
    In the womb, initially everything is one,
    because there is no separation from the external world and the self.
    Bible: Genesis 1:2: “the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters“.

    “Man was created from clay”

    A shared view amongst Greek, Sumerian, Egyption, Hindu, Norse, Native American, African mythologies and contemporary superhero stories, such as Wonder Woman.

    b.) The external (exoteric) view

    Correlating to amniotic fluid is the scientific theory of the Soviet biologist Alexander Oparin from 1924 who proposed the theory of the primordial chemical carbon- based solution, which was triggered by an external energy source to form life.

    So human kind’s very first experience which shaped our deep instinct, is that there is a oneness which is larger than our body-self-perception.

    2.) The Sun

    After birth the senses, such as the eyes and ears evolve.

    Genesis 1:3 “And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.”
    John 1:3 “In the beginning was the Word”

    Two Bible-quotes shared by all 3 abrahamic religions: Jews, Christians, and Muslims

    The first impression usually is the strongest, so it is no surprise that when the first external influence enters our life it replaces our previous but undefined sense of self with an appreciation for the first reference point in our lifes.
    You only can define a size if you have at least two reference points, so whilst life in the womb was totally holistic, now came the time when we started to be able to perceive ourselves.

    Brahma: “let me have a self”

    Hinduism

    The most predominant external energy source to the earth obviously is the sun. This is how the atheistic as well as the religious views come together:

    Ancient enlightened Indians, called Rishis, did since a long time perceive the influence of the sun. When western people still were savages, they already knew that the sun was the source of the light of the moon, and the Sanskrit language already had time units which range from durations as small as the duration of light rays up to the vastness of the age of our universe.

    From there the teachings spread on one hand to Egypt in the form of the Sungod Ra

    Ra – Egyptian Fifth Dynasty (2494 to 2345 BCE) 

    … to the Iranian Zoreaster (also known as Zarathustra) – the founder of Zoroastrianism, a monotheistic religion from the 6th century BCE.

    Fare-e-Kiani is a symbol which represent a guardian angel called Fravashi

    … which obviously has some links to Egyptian symbology

    Around 2000 BC (long before the Christian cross existed), sun crosses emerged in Europe, during the Neolithic to Bronze Age periods.

    In the foremost sun-cross you can see how this evolved into the astrological sun symbol ☉

    Astrology btw is not the superficial future-telling pseudoscience it is made out to be in woman’s magazines, but the reflection of the elaborate ancient greek descriptions of the human personality by the means of deities, such as Mars for warlike energies or Venus for love.

    astrological symbol of the sun ^

    This 3 minute video shows that there was such a vast knowledge about astronomy,
    that many are convinced that higher evolved civilisations were in contact with ours.

    Regardless of whether those were aliens or humans: the existence of so much ancient knowledge does marginalise the version of a unique creator god to a mere option only.

    So how did humankind jump from a profound understanding of the universe to a version of “the one and only” god?

    3. The western personification of god

    The main reason why atheists cringe at the word “god” is because of the attached dogma of one being a ‘sinner’ who only is saved by salvation of a higher authority one has to belief in and be subservient to.
    This dogma, however is by no means as ancient as we are made to believe.

    My personal view is that planet earth, like our body,
    has a conscious and subconscious part,
    the former correlating to the north-west and the latter to the south-east.
    So whilst the East did approach this subject by subscribing to intuitive experiences of wise people;
    in the West, intellectual dogmata became predominant:

    This is maybe why spirituality intuitively was understood in the South-East, whilst in the North-West it had to undergo a myriad of god concepts and misunderstandings.

    The decline of Western strength and intuition

    In the past, westerners also intuitive knew what was right and wrong.
    They feared not to act upon their values, and their faith of the afterlife, which was as strong as knowledge made them not fear of death.

    Old western religions initially had a very good intuition for gender roles, the place of when to use female yin and male yang, and a clear sense for justice.

    Our natural intuition was forcefully replaced by the means of religious wars with the dogma of one personified higher force, designed to cultivate an obedience towards authoritative institutions in order to guarantee devotees.

    Up to this day witchcraft, magic and paganism are shunned by Christianity and Islam, and western spirituality is marginalised into the corner of occultism – a word, which to mainstreamers equals ‘darkness’, whilst the true meaning of the word means ‘hidden’ (as you can see in the medical term ‘occult blood‘.


    The western spiritual traditions and secret orders:

    Since occultism nowadays is marginalised into secrecy,
    here is a 1-paragraph-summary of this incredible vast subject:

    Most Western paths stem from the tradition of the believe in the sun as mentioned above, which was re-cultivated by the pharao Akhenaten – as the name implies “the prayer to the sun (Athon).

    From here many mystery schools, such as the Rosicrucians, the Freemasons, emerged,
    and out of them mixtures, such as the Ordo Templis Orientis arouse,
    which bright spirits, such as Rudolf Steiner, but also dubious ones, such as the black magician Alestair Crowley, or the founder of Scientology Ron Hubbard were members of.
    Helena Blavatski together with Steiner created a synthesis of Eastern and Western knowledge, the Theosophic society.

    My personal experiences:
    The most spiritual orders are A.M.O.R.C and the Servants of the light,
    And people who don’t like orders may read Steiner, who held very unique speeches about spirituality.

    Freemasonry with its men-only-policy is antiquated,
    and it’s old boys network ethically dubious for distorting fair chances for non members by giving theirs significant advantages.
    Crowley (who was very spiritual advanced and versatile) and Hubbard, both unfortunately descended into egotism – Scientology’s book ‘Dianetics‘ is nothing more than a fashionable conglomeration of OTO-knowledge.

    The question now is why and how the occult holistic understanding of a monotheism, directed at the sun was turned towards a personified god.

    The following 25 minute video excerpt explains how mankind’s planetary wisdom was perverted into a humanised version of a creator god:

    Due to our contemporary subscription to merely worldly values, people nowadays are afraid to loose material values, such as their possessions or their body – both values which are limited to this life only.

    The fear of death did evolve into society which at first seems to protect the weak,
    but in the longterm is full of pathological norms which allow for devious but spineless lawyers, politicians, and business people to dominate strong and authentic warriors.

    True male powers, such as a courage to stand up for ones’ opinion today are replaced with cowardice hiding behind political correctness, female virtues such as poise, dignity or serenity are channeled into a destructive feminism, which is more concerned in copying and accusing men, than to shine as a true woman, and our access to god(s) is degraded into empty rituals performed by self-declared authorities.

    To finish part 1, I leave you with a fascinating rarely known Western version of human evolution:

    part 2 can be found here>

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 0:41 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      This is a stunning, orginal, mindblowing article. I am in awe of your grasp of spirituality , right form its origins and the evolution of Abrahamic religions. Thank you for educating me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 0:46 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you, dear JV, I hope you see my reply.

        I was literally waiting for you to read this article, since you are my most faithful and advanced reader with whom I feel to currently have the strongest connection.

        Especially when only few do read my articles, your comments totally change the climate for me.

        Like

  • sitting bull 22:54 on 2019-08-15 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: American dream, , , illegal, immigration, Manhattan, movies, , nationalism, neoliberalism, NYC, refugee, tcm, tv, USA   

    The destruction of my American dream 

    Chronology of an epic downfall
    ground #0

    You might have perceived the intro to this series as arrogant or bragging, but that article was needed to show you the rise before my fall.

    Whilst the details of my story are too personal to be relevant for others, they can serve as an example of how slow or painful it can be until karmic experiences grind down one’s ego,
    and how a much faster it can be, if one (voluntarily and preemptively) does personality work, such as meditation, yoga, and other spiritual methods.

    Even though, I did dread for two and a half decade to bare my soul publicly (and only can do it now, because it is the earliest point I am stepping out of this trauma),
    I think that this reconstruction of my deconstruction could increase compassion by understanding in people who mostly did live on the bright side of life,
    and comforter to to sufferers, who still might be much to entangled in their own pain in order to be able to reflect upon it.

    In order not to turn it into an endless moaning, I will alternate it with posts about spiritual insights.
    ~ ~ ~

    Germany in the 60s:

    After WW2, the destructed Germany was for decades busy building itself up again whilst dissolving the traumata or the war, so that meanwhile the main sources for TV-shows and movies were imported by the master of the movie industry: the USA.

    Movies are probably the most impressionable ways of influencing people, especially children, and so it was for me:
    The first TV my parents bought (from a salary my father did for working on a TV-play) was for the moon-landing, when I was 3 years old, and to watch it with their friends was memorable for all of us, not only because of the event, but not many Germans possessed a TVs at that time.

    Most TVs at that time were still black and white, and even ours had a button to toggle the colours, which we often left of, because it looked so artificial and aggressive. Hence we watched a lot of old black and white movies and slowly grew into newer ones, probably also because old TV-series were cheaper to buy for German TV stations than new ones.

    So I developed a nostalgic and quaint view of the USA of old Jazz-bars and Western saloons.
    As a child I did paint a large picture with an American flag and did stick many American photos from magazines on it, and listened to my Grandfather telling me the story how, when he as an 80 years old, did travel from East- to West-coast and back – all on his own without being able to speak one word of English, except for “Hi!“.

    In school I did proudly wear a sheep-leather bomber jacket (which I assume was a relic from an US-care-parcel), and as I grew into a restless puberty, Europe seemed sluggishly antiquated and inflexible, and I started to fall in love with the notion of thinking big, and that everything was possible when following ones’ dreams.

    Even as a child I often sat looking into the blue sky and felt the freedom of being connected to the skyscrapers of America I had seen in some 70s movies.
    I fell in love with American music, played in a big band and loved the Blues which did reflect my own blues with Germany’s rigid society.

    I got much classical education, from piano to church organ, but since I wanted to play Saxophone, I first had to learn the Clarinet, which my parents deemed essential in the European classical culture;
    so after I left school I moved to Berlin to become a musician.
    Since the restrictions of the East-German Berlin-Wall did create an aggressive Atmosphere there, I moved to London shortly after the Wall fell.

    There I was really happy to encounter the multiculturalism and differences of lifestyles I found so inspiring, and copied the dream of evolving from dishwasher to millionaire by washing dishes in a Jamaican restaurant whilst my music teacher performed in the dining-area.

    But instead of studying music in the Guildhall School of music and drama, which I prepared for a year,
    I spontaneously switched to Traditional Chinese Medicine, because my parents always wanted me to have “a proper job” and I thought that this would be an ideal compromise between helping people, whilst gaining emotional inspirations for artistic work.

    I never forgot the dream of wanting to move on to NYC, so as soon as I finished my studies of TCM there, I flew straight to Manhattan without having had a Green Card, because I was following, what seemed to have worked for Arnold Schwarzenegger, who also did come to the US, even without a tourist visa (but therefore he had connections in high places).

    So I did literally carry 100kg (over 200 pounds) of stuff (including my 3 saxophones) in my first flight, and after living in the cheapest place in town (a small hotel for transvestites mostly), I found a small place to live in.

    There started treating a poor artist for $5 in my apartment, then an owner of a fashion shop for $30, and thereafter never had to increase the price again.
    The show room whom of my patient did attract makeup-artists who talked to the models they were working on,
    so I got an alternate mix of models and makeup-artists who did recommend me to each other – each time for a higher price, so that my price rose automatically to $150 within 6 months and likely would have risen more.

    To the models, who had money, it was not much, plus the USA had (and still has) not such a good healthcare system, as Europe has, so any health-issue was really expensive for Americans and I was cheap in comparison.

    I did attract a lot of extroverts who felt comfortable with me for not condemning them for their avantgardism – one example being a model who despite it being cold outside had to dance in several bars on Halloween showing of her blue painted body in a bikini, and instead of telling her off about running around in the cold, I did work around her needs to further her success – an attitude which is much more common in America than Europe – one reason why I loved it in Manhattan – things just could grow fast and big there.

    Whilst going to the party, she did invite me to, I realised that I was not dressed up for Halloween at all, and because it was too late to buy anything, and I had nothing original at home, I came up with the idea to put on my black leather coat and stick a dozen really long acupuncture needles in places in my face, which were no acupuncture points, in order to look like Hellrazor.

    This really demonstrated to me the difference between a village in Europe and a cosmopolitan large city in the USA: In my hometown I would have been denounced for such a madness, but in NYC people found it funny and when I told them that I was an acupuncturist, they even wanted my card to get treatments.

    Funny enough, when I already had forgoten all about the needles afterwards on my way home, I run into a neighbour for the first time, and chatted with her casually, as if it was the most normal thing to do, running around with needles in the face.
    Such and many more crazy stories did happen every day and night, and I met the most fascinating mix of famous or extravagant people, like Hollywood directors, actors, musicians, and many unknown, but very unusual and open-minded people.

    But on a serious note: Everything seemed to work: I had at times nearly miraculous success with treating people, and felt really appreciated for my compassionate care around the clock.
    Many were interested in the ancient Chinese, and Indian spiritual wisdoms I had to share.

    So I was invited to many really interesting parties (from dinner-size to many meters of oysters on one table), and could tell you a story about those events which happened nearly each day or night, as intense and interesting, as highlights in a normal life, which would only happen about once a year.

    This is what I liked most in the USA: People are really open to new ways and there is a child-like state of awe for new things,
    whilst in the more critical dinosaur Europe I often felt blocked and suppressed, when trying to inspire others open-heartedly for a positive change.

    For the first time I really felt home,
    and even got myself an apartment with a view onto the Empire State Building.

    But before being able to move in there, I had to travel for the third time to London, because my Tourist Visa did run out, and I did not have the audacity, to just stay in the USA illegally as some others did whom I met.

    So I did return for a third time, and within the 9 months I had been in Manhattan,
    I already underwent most of the exams to be able to work there as an accredited practitioner of TCM,
    got myself an non-drivers-ID, and first accreditations to be able TCM in the USA,
    and did spend a lots of money there in order to make it all legal.

    When I did travel back, my flight was delayed for half a day, which made me arrive at 1am in the morning in John Kennedy airport, and when I stood in line I suddenly could sense that this was going really wrong but there was nothing I could do about it anymore.

    The officer did send me to a room and two very officers – one male, and one very harsh tiny stocky woman with pebble glasses – did question and threaten me for 2 hours in the ‘good-cop-bad-cop’ fashion, whilst cheating me of my Miranda rights for a lawyer, by threatening me that asking for one would only make things worse.

    When they finally did get my luggage and saw many used CDs in there, it was clear that I had to come clean to tell them that I had transported my belongings in steps to the US and was on the way of working hard to become a legal citizen with a Green-card.

    They instantly handcuffed me to a bench, right in front of a window and next to 3 Afghan children of the age around from 3 to 11, and told racist remarks about non-caucasians. It was heart-breaking to see all three of those cute kids cry their eyes out, knowing that their life was literally over, and the oldest girl having had to comfort the others, despite her having been in a very bad shape herself.
    (I don’t want to know to which terrible circumstances they may have had to return to and how their family had probably put together their entire savings to give at least their kids a better future.)

    The room had a large ‘shopping window’ for all travellers to see what happens to illegals, and I was forced to sleep on the floor, because I was handcuffed on my ankle to the bench and as a meal they gave me one heartless buttered bread, until the next flight to London arrived on which they did put me handcuffed.

    If I had a lawyer it probably would have been clear that I did not even do anything legally wrong, because the entire time I stood there legally – only my intentions were to make it permanent.
    This is how one’s life can be destroyed by two officers just being in a bad mood and by lacking informations.

    I won’t ever forget the officer’s bitter faces, which were signed by the aggressive dismissal of any empathy for the daily flood of lives they saw being destroyed by their actions, and got some sense for how harsh people must be treated in Guantanamo, even if they just are suspected terrorists.
    (We are so mate-mongered by the media that I wouldn’t be surprised, if the word ‘suspected‘ falls right through the raster of many readers when reading the word ‘terrorist‘.)

    This then did shape my opinion of refugees in a total different way most legal first-worlders who never left their country for longer than a safe holiday see it:
    Many only see the threat to their own country, and fear that jobs or benefits are taken from them, but I now see behind most refugees a huge story of either tremendous despair and a great hope for a new start – something it takes, to make one abandon all own roots.

    The irony of it is that often immigrants are the ones who really put a lot of effort into succeeding; and develop a greater appreciation for the country they immigrated into, than the majority of people who were granted their citizenship from birth without any efforts.

    The refugee situation seems to a large extend to be created by the first-world, due to exploitation of the third world for centuries,
    and wars, which to a large extend are designed to destabilise regions in order to control them later.
    So in a way the refugee-issue is not only the Karma of the third, but also the first world.
    Unfortunately most of the time it does not hit the countries which caused the issue, but the ones closer to the crisis centres.

    Finally: this experience also had another effect on me:
    It turned me into a passionate enemy of neoliberalism and also nationalism,
    because I experienced first hand that firms are allowed to go without any loyalty to humans, wherever they can save most taxes or work-labour-costs,
    whilst humans are imprisoned by nonsensical (because arbitrary) national boundaries for the rest of their lifes.

    This was the end of my life-long ‘American dream‘, which then did cause an avalanche of misfortunes and an epic social downfalls I will continue to tell you later.

    Next Chapter: The karmic boomerang into my beginnings >

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:42 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      Oh, no. So unfortuante.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:44 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        The sad joke is that I probably did have the right to stay but didn’t get it because they scared me.
        Amazing how ignorance can cause suffering for decades.

        Like

  • sitting bull 15:31 on 2019-08-10 Permalink | Reply  

    Chronology of an epic downfall 

    Whenever you look for spirituality on the web you usually find positive and affirmative messages advertising spirituality by telling us how it is the solution to all our problems, makes us healthier or guarantees us the blessings of a higher force.

    Tons of followers of like-minded blogs or spiritual leaders throw their admiration and money towards the successful and beautiful ones; in the hope of getting universal brownie points back;
    but secretly each of those followers are secretly suffering from a sense of insignificance which crept into their lifes, since they subscribed to principles of perfection, only people who were spoiled throughout their life can actually fulfil.

    In other words: spirituality initially makes our life miserable due to first have to face ones discrepancies,
    and thereafter for shouldering the compensation of the lack in ethics or sensitivity of the majority of mankind.
    This is why spiritual inclined sensitive people are often laughed upon by ruthless perpetrators who regardless of the consequences take what their ego tells them to.

    So by sacrificing my own reputation I want to start a longterm series of articles which in detail describes how despite the best of intentions, great talents and positive character trades ones’ life can spiral down in epic proportions, not only without seeing any rewards of a good Karma,
    but instead accumulating more negative Karma of becoming a marginalised, being laughed at,
    and thereafter becoming an enemy and therewith burden to society.

    The rise before the fall

    Having been born to a choleric father and a dreamy mother I learned how to transform anger or address criticism in a way that it reached both sides: with humour and a profound sense for harmony.

    From my Kindergarden age I had a talent of creating a harmonious relationship with other kids and when playing in the sandbox I did always make sure that everyone was treated fair and with consideration.

    Due to the nonsensical pressure of high school, which doesn’t care about people, but conditions them to become obedient and competitive working machines – combined with the added pressure of my parents – a nervousness start to arise which at times made me burst out in anger, which did lead to the occasional school-fight,.
    But thereafter my anger never became physical again and only released itself verbally – unfortunately occasionally still up to this day.

    The first conceptional encounter with spirituality was in the form most people do encounter it – through religion –
    and the first time I was emotionally touched in a spiritual way was through music.

    Whilst I couldn’t relate to the simple minded musical hits my parents listened to, they did enable me to learn classical voice education, the piano, church-organ, the clarinet and later when I discovered the blues (which did reflect my own blues with society), I also learned the drums, a tiny bit of base and did end up playing tenor, alto and soprano saxophones.

    In my teens I did learn to know a 30 year old jazz fan who did educate me into the mysteries of this strange sounding music, and how complex and sensitive it was.
    This, together with observing his much more serene lifestyle than that of my frantic monkey-mind-parents (who often did change talking-subjects about 5-6 times per minute), made me want to aspire to become a musician.

    A key-milestone in my life was the spontaneous insight on a way back home from school wanting to become something really big – either in a spiritual way (and my archetypal image for it was a wise man in a desert),
    or something glamorous (in the form of something shiny, like the blinking skyline of a city with its stylish metallic designer furniture).

    In retrospect I can explain it as a result of what in TCM is called “the HUN” or my Jupiter north node. Those both are basically the abstract aspects of mere spirituality (without it being linked to ethics, a healthy lifestyle, or other current misconceptions).

    This did set me on a path of first pursuing my career in the field of my passion – to become a musician, including all the trades associated with it: Artistic creativity, the ego of wanting to become famous, the profound need to convey deeper emotions to others in order to shed light on their yet non-explored hidden corners of their soul, and the longing to travel the world in order to experience as many cultures as possible.

    One of my craziest times in my life were after I moved out of my parent’s place where I first led a life of parties, met the most eccentric people, and with the help of all kinds of drugs I could get my hands on, released my so far suppressed life-force by producing a full audio-cassette of own songs in which I did play all instruments myself. You can listen to the songs here or purchase them as a double-CD.

    Because the surroundings of my middle-sized conservative hometown in the black forest were to restrictive for me, I straight away afterwards moved to Berlin to gain some large-city-experience; and after having been disappointed about the aggression (which might have been a reflection of it having still been surrounded by the suppressive East-Germany),
    just after the Berlin-wall fell, I moved to London to experience the diversity of a cosmopolitan city and learn English – the language which nearly made me having to repeat an entire school-year, because I was the worst in my class.

    After two years of playing in many sessions – (at times I was the only white musician of an all Jamaican band in the midst of an all black audience),
    my focus from a worldly career did shift towards spirituality by spontaneously choosing to study traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) and doing a lot of Kung Fu, where I was loved by the whole huge community for being so open hearted and having a great sense of humour.

    In the Kungfu System Jews celebrated in parties thrown by Muslims, blacks drank in Irish pubs, the Chinese master invited all of us Westerners for lunch.
    In a way it was like a heaven of culturally diversity and tolerance.

    This certainly was one of my brightest moments in my life, because under the favourable circumstances of a supportive environment combined with sensitive caring people,
    many spiritual talents previous unknown to me suddenly popped up out of the blue. To give you a few examples:

    At the time I was so shy to physical touch that once a voluptuous woman who stroke my belly whilst she sat on top of me, did inadvertently tickle me, so that my extreme flinching did catapult her right over my head – only to land with her nose at the head of the bed.

    So when I was asked to massage in my half-term Tuina and Swedish massage exam the woman did take me out, only to teach me that touch was more important than to do it academically right.

    Six months later in college, I was about to massage a female fellow student of mine and to center the person we were supposed to hold our hands over their heart chakra – for women they told us to do it on the back to avoid having to touch her breast, but because I did miss that part, I did it on the back and front of her which she didn’t mind, because we were fellow students.

    Somehow I could sense us connecting deeply, so I stood with this process. After 20 minutes (when all the others already long went into their lunch break), I started to visualise as if I was in the total dark abyss of her soul – at a point where she felt totally alone.
    Then my soul-search intuitively turned around from listening to her to giving her the message that I here here and am there for her.

    She then went on to her own lunch-break and came back flooding with tears, because she finally felt someone being there at the very moment when she was left alone by her original parents, before she was adopted by new foster-parents. This didn’t stop for the entire day.
    The massage teacher just said to me that I really did come a long way.

    It was a bit like dragging her out of her desert in The movie The Final Frontier:

    Around that time I had similar experiences, like an acupuncture-patient of mine who was cold inside.
    Normally one can warm the patient by burning a hot herb called Moxa over the belly, but since it was a hot day, I did put my hand on her belly to transform to her some of my energy – something I recently had done to a fellow student, who afterwards felt warm for 3 weeks.

    To my surprise images of her sitting as a child with a white dress on a swing came up, and that she at the time was very lonely.
    So I did tell her that after the treatment and she instantly started to cry, telling me that she was very sad because her boyfriend did split up with her.
    I then thought that my archetypal image must have been of a wrong timing, but when I told her that I saw her as a kid, she went on and told me that she actually was most sad in her life when her sister died – around the age of 6 or 7.


    Please don’t take this as bragging – I merely want to convey to you how everything was set up for the most successful life one could have:

    Not only was I lucky to have had middle-class parents who could finance my education and came out of the privileged minority of white male first worlders, but
    I also was about to get my TCM-Diploma, was 6ft tall and strong (could do 80 pushups), had an IQ of 138, was musically talented, able to write well, had a lot of humour, and got on with all people alike, regardless of race, gender or age.

    So this will be the story of how and foremost why in life, despite the best of luck, things can spiral down into an unforeseeable abyss.

    Hopefully readers might learn from my story to understand how not previous bad deeds (as Abrahamic religions dogmatize),
    but own misconceptions are the source of karmic problems;
    and why it is best to dissolve subconscious issues by the means of spiritual methods such as introspection, contemplation, meditation, yoga, or other methods, before a disillusioned bitternes (literally) digs one’s own grave.

    Next article: The destruction of my american dream >

     
    • JV Avadhanulu 1:52 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

      Enjoyed reading this post. Knowing what happened next (because I read this later), it is so unfortunate that your rare gifts for healing could not serve humanity.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sitting bull 1:53 on 2019-08-29 Permalink | Reply

        That actually made me feel very guilty for decades – not to use my talents.
        I will write more about it later.

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