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  • sitting bull 23:44 on 2014-12-14 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: border-liner, cutting, depression, , mass-murderer, serial-killer, troll   

    The spiral into depression 

    You see any baby and everything seems fine, so you ask yourself how can some biographies turn into such a deep and unsolvable frustration ?This is a chronology about how things spiral down all the way – dedicated to sensitive teenagers on the verge of openness and disappointments.

    It all starts with the open-heartedness of a child – life just is;  you react openly to everything because you are truely honest, and to live means to be as you are, and express yourself.

    Then some impressions are forced upon you in various ways:(Let’s assume that would be you)
    First by your parents, then by others like your friends and it is refreshing to see how spontaneously kids react to confliccts – as a kid you speak your mind, show your likes and dislikes and stand up for things you do not agree with. And at one point outer forces oppose you and the suppression starts: In the best case parents guide you through differences by always ensuring you of their unconditional love, regardless of your positions or actions. This is the ideal parental care even animals are reassured of when they are needed the most.

    Unfortunately very often this is not the case, because parents just didn’t understand the needs of your soul, so they simply did blank out what they didn’t want to be part of their reality and thereby suppressed you more or less forcefully.

    The more violent the opposition hits you, the more traumatic is your experience.

    Even any deep trauma could be resolved in this stage if there is a balanced network of understanding supporters around, but if it isn’t you shy away from what violates your soul and turn to new friends which then become a second influence in your life.

    At this point it is so crucial that you have some people who understand you; and if that is not possible you settle for ones who let you be as you are. The problem now is that the best understanding person would be one who has gone through the same stuff; but the wiser ones don’t share all the fun you need to let of your steam so in the end you turn to people at your level who have the same lifestyle you currently live – addicts provide tolerance for addictions – hurt ones listen to your pain for example.  This works really well for a long time but at one stage it is likely that their evolution takes turns which doesn’t agree with you anymore and you end up totally alone, because the ones who cared for you hold you down in swamp-like structures you strive to move out of.

    You loose faith. Faith in your loved one, faith in others, fate, or god, and the worst loss is the loss of faith in yourself.
    In your desperation you try to convey our pain to your best friend because  best friends are really there for you when you need them.
    But your pain runs deep and just won’t be resolved with a few nice words, so it carries on and you slowly but steadily you see people getting tired of your repetitions and they turn away from you regardless of the cause of your pain – whether it be a broken heart, domestic violence, sexual traumas or even a lost limb – people just have a limited amount of patience.

    But something inside you still hurts and sets you up for further failure – you run into the same problem again and again or into another one and even a bigger one, and deep underneath, you cherish good stories like a sudden death of your best friend, because that would at least make people feel sorry for you for a reason. So you start to attract this kind of reality and such stuff literally starts to happen, but instead of now fully using it to your advantage you downplay it because you realize that sympathy is not true love and you want to be loved unconditionally.

    The spiral goes down because at one stage it dawns upon you that you are being judged for continuous disasters and before you now it you became an official looser on top of having had all that misfortune.
    Now what is left of your pride stands up and protects the last bit of your residual self-image and you pull up all your hope to “fake it until you make it” and you pretend that things are fine when they are not.
    This is when you start to put on a fake-smile when people ask you how you are, even there is a hole in your soul.

    And by now, if there are caring friends or family who genuinely try to pull you up and make you happy, it makes you even more sad, because you feel sorry for their incapability to reach you at all anymore. You might get a nice gift and see that your parents meant so well all the time, but don’t have a glue that they were the ones who let you down in the first place.

    Things spiral further down because you started to see that you not only put on a mask to protect yourself, but also because you don’t want to hurt them by being an unsolvable case which worries them.
    You are in a real double-bind-dilemma now because expressing your pain has become impossible, yet holding it back harms you further. Even the strongest forces break down under such catch 22 situations, like a lioness which has to rescue 2 babies from a flood and both babies die because she can not decide which one to rescue first.

    The pressure from all sides is so great that you are paralyzed which now really bolts your outcry for help into the ground. From the outside this might look like serenity and often this is when therapists or parents think that their child gets better, but there is nothing you can do anymore and your entire sense of self is either shattered or slapped as a sarcastic farce into your face – over and over again.

    But since life always finds a way – just like water – your life-force returns with a rebellious unruliness and some inner force just wants you to live. Yet by now your sense of life is distorted from a simple happiness to a stoic request just to feel yourself in any way – whatever the cost. And you simply don’t give a shit anymore and should you still smile it is for 2 reasons only – either you are to tired or too pragmatic to explain anything anymore; or you carry the burden of the additional dilemma of knowing deep inside that others are also humans who might suffer in the same way you do.

    By now the easy access to happiness is shriveled to a mere fairy-tale you used to believe in as a child, just as you believed in Santa Claus. A basic growl now overrides all subtleties so that the only way you feel yourself is in extreme experiences.
    So you turn to yourself – and on yourself. Why should you care by now if you are fine or healthy? It’s laughable and so naive to be confronted with such conformistic values which only are designed for your you to function better in society.

    You  roughen up by either numbing the pain with legal or illegal drugs or through all kinds of x-tremes like cutting for example. Since you lost acess to your inner soul you experience yourself on the outside – your borders – you become a border-liner.

    And then it get’s exciting, cause you are beyond. Beyond hope, beyond caring anymore and beyond loosing anything.
    Now you start to even cultivate and enjoy yourself and make sarcastic jokes about the junk around you. You love the dark life and live it to the fullest. You push back against all the hate and get your revenge on humankind.This is the realm of Gollum, trolls and ultimately serial killers.

    And what expands must contract, so after your act of aggressive compensation you fall deeper into the abyss and once the intoxication is over, the hangover hits you twice as hard – remorse sets in so deeply suicide becomes an option.

    If you can’t face the burden of one’s own guilt either try to scream it away – louder than your inner voice – never admitting to anything; or you dilute it by adding more of the same to it. The physical hangover was so bad that you have to reward you for this painful day by getting drunk with another extreme experience.

    This is what happen in massacres or wars when people started to kill one person and thereafter can’t stop to do it again and again. Sarcastically the victim now becomes a perpetrator who create the worst pain to others and thereby push them into the exact same kind of downward spiral itself did suffer.

    If you are in the lucky position that your conscience forbids you to hurth others you then the socially accepted way out is to turn on yourself and become addicted – continuing to escape into the opposite direction where your pain resides – only to experience the pendulum of your emotions to swing back to where it came from. You think this is alright because most people manage to survive whilst making their living in meaningless jobs – having forgotten what happiness is all about.

    You think this was the bottom of the barrel? Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, because now nature has old age up its sleeve for you:

    The initial good news is: Never before was there such a cult of slender teens in crisis who look good and songs are played and stars are loved for it so at least there is the comfort of crisis being displayed in the media.

    But now think about what happens when your young beauty is lost and you still have the crisis? Yes- you thought before, that no one would suffer more than you. But you didn’t realize how there was at least an empathic ear for you when you were cute. Then you get old and no one cares  – people turn away from you, because your pain is not sexy anymore – you are fat and ugly, loose your sight and get grey hair. And all people around you carry the same bad fortune, so all is left is some common daily struggle for survival.

    Now you probably understand why old people often are so grumpy – they kind of went through all that crap without even being able to comprehend it and now internalized it so far that they for themselves are totally out of touch with the fact that they once were young, innocent and simply happy.

    For lots of them now comes yet another hammer – serious physical sicknesses and no believe in a sense for it all anymore.
    This is how an entire life is wasted without value unless you give it spiritual meaning.

  • sitting bull 23:58 on 2014-12-13 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , gnostic, omphaloskespsis, ,   

    A christian version of Sodarshan Chakra Kriya pranayama Yoga from the 13th century! 

    The following article should be a huge step forward in gnosticism for any seeker because it reveals a direct method to accomplish enlightenement within the christian and therewith western tradition!

    Since Sodarshan Chakra Kriya stems from the fairly new religion of Sikhism but is claimed to have roots thousands of years ago it dawned upon me for quite a while that there should also be other sources for this Meditation. Someone asked if this is really a version of Sodarshan Chakra Kriya, but I have to clarify that it is not, because SCK did not even exist then. I just want to point out that it is a predecessor which includes equal principles and also seemes to work.

    I found (surprisingly in a book dedicated to condemn prana exercises), a quote of another source and added following Wikipedia information for your understanding:

    Omphaloskepsis is contemplation of one’s navel as an aid to meditation.
    The word comes from Greek omphalos (navel) + skepsis (act of looking, examination).
    Actual use of the practice as an aid to contemplation of basic principles of the cosmos and human nature is found in the practice of yoga of Hinduism and sometimes in the Eastern Orthodox Church. Some consider the navel to be “a powerful chakra of the body”.

    In the Book Sikhism and Tantrik Yoga (which you can download for free here), I read in page 32 following information which seems to have been hidden for 800 years and (as far as I know) is here released for the first time on the internet !

    The science of breath known as pranayam in Yoga, and embryonic respiration in Taoism, is involved in the mystical meditations of Sufis called dhikr (zikr) and Simrin of Sikhism, called svas svas Nam japna, and has been found even in some practices of Christian mystics. But this involvement of the science of breath in various systems has nothing to do with Yoga asanas, and Yoga techniques. They are the natural outcome of a continuous disciplined mediation.1

    The Hesychastic monks to whom Yoga was unknown developed through their meditations similar techniques. Summarizing the essential Hesychastic prayer, Father Irenee Hausherr says:

    “It comprises of two fold exercises, omphaloskespsis and

    • indefinite repetition of the Prayer of Jesus: ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.
    • By sitting in darkness,
    • bowing the head,
    • fixing the eyes on the center of the abdomen (navel)
    • trying to discover the place of the heart,
    • by repeating this exercise indefatigably and always accompanying it with the same invocation, in harmony with the rhythm of respiration, which is retarded as much as possible, one will, if one
    • perseveres day and night in this mental prayer,

    end by finding what one sought, the place of the heart, and with it and in it, all kinds of wonders and knowledge.”2

    Jean Gouillard quotes a 13th century Christian monk Nicephorus, who says, “As for you,

    • sit down, compose your mind,
    • introduce it—your mind, I say—into your nostrils; This is the road that the breath takes to reach the heart.
    • Push it, force it to descend into your heart at the same time as the inhaled air.
    • When it is there, you will see what joy will follow; you will have nothing to regret.”3
  1. Lao Tzu and Chuang Tzu were already familiar with methodical respiration, and a Chou dynasty inscription attests the practice of a respiratory technique in the sixth century B.C. Mircea Eliade: Yoga, p 62
  2. For Sufi practices, see: Kashf-ul Mahjub and Writings of Dara Shikoh on medieval saints, notably Mian Mir in Safinat-ul-Aulia, and Sakinat-ul-Auliya.
  3. Quoted by Mircea Eliade in Yoga f.n. p 63

So what is the important takeway?

  • One doesn’t need Sodarshan Chakra Kriya (referenced in italic) to accomplish the task if one observes following principles:
  • One has to dedicate the Kriya to the divine (which the Adi Mantra and “Wahe Guru” pumps serve well as). However I asume that the mere repetition of the mantras only does half the trick – a mental application and dedication towards the divine in humbleness seems essential.
  • slowing down the breath (retarding it) helps – the Yogi level is once per minute.
  • Focus on your belly –  mentally either by looking at it, or by thinking the mantra whilst pumping your belly. Chanting “Guru” enhances the Solarplexus Fire element.
  • Search for your heart (which is accomplished in SCK via chanting “Wa” – the wind element mantra related to the heart chakra. I personally feel that one should also ultimately open ones heart in a loving way. I also want to point out that in that time medical obductions came in fashion half a millennium later, so should have been no knowledge about the physical location of the heart – which likely made it easier for people to find out the energetic location of the heart by contemplation, because the mind was free of physical preconceptions.
  • Also crucial elements are sitting in the dark (closed eyes or focussed on ones nose just 1/10th open),
  • bowing the head (described in Hinduism, the oldest religion as Jalandhar Bhanda
  • repeating the mantra (regardless if western or eastern) constantly

The difference seems to be that the christian prayer works if done constantly day and night and Sodarshan Chakra Kriya works within 2 1/2 hours daily, probably due to the fact that it was refined in technique, since it is 200 years younger.
(The christian meditation is 800 years old and the Siri Guru Granth Sahib is 600 years old.

This is a strong indication on how the entire system from Yogi Bhajan was devised:
He seems to have developed to such an extend that he was able to improvise new Kriyas like a skilled Jazz musician out of the Siri Guru Grant Sahib in conjunction with his Yoga knowledge.

This should be good news for anyone who was interested in applying this Sikh Yoga Kriya to ones own faith. If that exercise is interchangeable it should also work for any faith on the planet if those principles are carefully studied and applied.

I for myself will stick to Sodarshan Chakra Kriya until I am absolutely certain what I am doing, but I will use this christian version of it or my own approach to god to tune into the divine. This way I stay independent of any conditioning of a specific religion.

Instead of the repetition of the Prayer of Jesus: ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.‘ Someone suggested to

  • breath in heavily (with an inner resistance), and meanwhile think
    Domine Jesu Christe”
  • and then breath out (also in this kind of loud way) and think
    “miserere me !”

This reinforces the prana in the breathing and also brings ascending soundcurrents when breathing in and descending sounds when exhaling.

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  • sitting bull 8:01 on 2014-12-11 Permalink | Reply  

    3 very valuable videos about what spirituality is about. 

    click here to see 3 very valuable videos about what spirituality is about from Adyashanti.

    and one recommendation from my therapist:

  • sitting bull 15:44 on 2014-12-03 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , ,   

    Sodarshan Chakra Kriya 

    My words are in italic – the rest is from Yogi Bhajan. Since this is a lot of text I do mark the significant information bold so that you afterwards have a good overview of the necessary steps to undertake:

    Meditation for focus and mental purification

    Here is a meditation that makes use of prana to cleanse mental garbage and purify the mind. Of all the 20 types of yoga, including Kundalini yoga, this is the highest kriya. This is a very powerful meditation for prosperity. It will give you a new start. It is the simplest kriya, but at the same time the hardest. It cuts through all darkness and all barriers of the neurotic or psychotic nature. When a person is in a very bad state, techniques imposed form the outside will not work. The pressure has to be stimulated from within.

    The tragedy of life is when the subconscious releases garbage into the conscious mind. This kriya invokes the Kundalini to give you the necessary vitality and intuition to combat the negative effects of the subconscious mind.

    POSITION: Sit with a straight spine (either with legs crossed or sitting on a chair with feet flat on the ground) Eyes are focused at the tip of the
    nose, or closed if you prefer.

    a) Block off the right nostril with the right thumb. Inhale slowly and deeply through the left nostril and hold the breath.
    Mentally chant ‘Wahe Guru” 16 times, while pumping the navel point 3 times with each repetition (once on ”Waa”, once on ”hey”, and once on ”Guru”) for a total of 48 pumps.
    b) Unblock the right nostril and use the right index or pinkie finger to block the left nostril. Exhale slowly and deeply through the right nostril. Continue, inhaling left nostril, exhaling right.

    TO END: Inhale and hold 5-10 seconds. Exhale. Then stretch and shake the body for about 1 minute to circulate the energy.
    TIME: Suggested length for this kriya is 31 or 62 minutes a day. The ideal is to start at 31 minutes, but you can begin with 11 minutes, then build up to 31, then 40, and eventually 62.

    * There is no time, no place, no space, and no condition attached to this meditation.
    Each garbage pit has its own time to clear. If you are going to clean your own garbage, you must estimate and clean it as fast as you can, or as slow as you want. You have to decide how much time you have to dean up your garbage pit.

    COMMENTS: If you can do this meditation for 62 minutes to start with, then build up to the point where you can do it 2 1/2 hours a day (1/10 of the day), it will give you the following: ”Nao nidhi, athara sidhi,” which are the nine precious virtues and 18 occult powers. In these 27 total virtues of the world lies the entire universe.

    When practiced for 2 1/2 hours every day, it will make you a perfect superhuman. It purifies the subconscious and takes care of the human life. It will make you extremely intuitive. It brings together all 27 facets of life and makes a human saintly, successful, and qualified. This meditation also gives one pranic power. This kriya never fails. It can give one inner happiness, and bring one to a state of ecstasy in life.

    (as taught by Yogi Bhajan on December 1990)
    This basic instruction is what I worked with on my own for 24 years and I still follow it.
    Whilst this should be sufficient, f
    or your benefit to get the most complete version in one place,
    I will always add new findings below here.
    Feel free to post links which lead to more valuable information.

    More comments from Yogi Bhajan fount at 3HO.org:
    “This is one of the greatest meditations you can practice. It has considerable transformational powers. The personal identity is rebuilt, giving the individual a new perspective on the Self. It retrains the mind. According to the tantra shastras, it can purify your past karma and the subconscious impulses that may block you from fulfilling you. It balances all the 27 facets of life and mental projection, and gives you the pranic power of health and healing. It establishes inner happiness and a state of flow and ecstasy in life. It opens your inner universe to relate, co-create, and complete the external universe.

    This meditation balances the Teacher aspect of the mind. It acts on all the other aspects like a mirror to reveal their true nature and adds corrections. You act as a human being not just a human doing. If the Teacher aspect is too strong, you risk a spiritual ego, which becomes too attached to the ability to detach and to be “above” normal struggles. When the Teacher aspect is too weak, you can misuse your spiritual and teaching position for personal advantage. When balanced, the Teacher aspect is impersonally personal. It starts with absolute awareness and a neutral assessment from that awareness.

    The Teacher uses intuition to know directly what is real and what is a diversion. You respond from the Neutral Mind beyond the positives and negatives. You are clear about the purpose and the laws of each action. A complete Teacher is not an instructor. The Teacher is the expression of Infinity for the benefit of all. You master non-attachment so that you are simultaneously in all your activities and not of them.Treat the practice with reverence and increase your depth, dimensions, caliber, and happiness.”

    More Yogi Bhajan Quotes from Sahej.com/Sodarshan.html

    Yogi Bhajan said in Gurdwara on Sunday, December 22nd, 2002:
    “Now, most powerful and beautiful is Sodarshan Chakra Kriya. I thought that I have taught for so many years, now people are ready for it. We didn’t start teaching it the first day. For me (I do not know about anyone else) it took 30 years to be able to control my left and right nostrils without holding them with my fingers. And I still do that sometimes when I feel very weak – I use my hand and fingers. Somebody can say, “Switching nostrils is not needed since the air coming through the right nostril and the left nostril meets.” We shall not take any responsibility for such wrong practices! What the hell is one creating? Disturbing the pituitary, the master command gland? These kinds of jokes will end by themselves, but it will be dangerous for those who practice it wrong. There is nothing in the teachings which are not clearly stated and which have not worked accurately”

    And another Yogi Bhajan Quote from Sahej.com:

    The Teachings are the Teachings, and have no one’s personality in them. I never edit them; you should not edit them. It is a Golden Chain. My own prayer is that you can perfect what it is, and go with it. It is a funny thing. It is a three thousand year old proven path – it’s not going to stop. Why do you want to add or subtract something – to satisfy your ego or convince students? It is very deceitful on the part of a teacher to teach teachings to please people. So honestly give people what we have. Teach like me. Teach exactly as it is. If you are not going to teach Kundalini Yoga purely, then don’t teach it at all. With Kundalini Yoga you are dealing with the life force of the atom. Don’t play with the pranic energy”

    This is how the Siri Singh Sahib (Yogi Bhajan) keeps track of the counting.
    Inhale (blocking the right nostril with the right thumb, other fingers held straight up in the air). And then I hold, and then I count ’16’ – – how? One. two. three — counts with the pinkie finger, moving it slightly three times. Four. Five, six — moves the ring finger three times. Seven, eight, nine — moves the middle or Saturn finger three times. Ten. eleven, twelve: — moves the index finger three times Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen — moves the thumb slightly for three beats. Sixteen — brings the index finger over to block off the left nostril, as he releases the right thumb from the right nostril. Then Exhale through right nostril.
    You are open to try what works for you.

    — above were unaltered teachings of Yogi Bhajan

    A nice comment from Ravi Singh:
    A young disciple asked Buddha: How long will it take me to burn through all of my karma. Buddha said, Can you imagine a block of marble 1 mile square? Now imagine that once a year a dove flies over the top of the marble trailing a silk scarf. How long do you think it would take to wear that block of marble down to nothing? Thats what each of us is up against with regard to the load of karmic debt we carry.

    So Darshan Chakra Kriya is like 100 workmen with electric sanders working day and night on that
    metaphorical marble. So Darshan Chakra Kriya is the most important and powerful meditation in Kundalini Yoga. This meditation will very quickly and effectively help you clarify and resolve the core issues in your life and very directly begin to transform your life in ways in ways you may not even be able to imagine!

    Here are additional informations I gathered verbally from the 3HO comunity (so I strongly assume that the following is also from Yogi Bhajan):
    • 40 days of daily meditation and all skin-cells have changed, (which has to do with the aura)
    • 90 days and all blood-cells have changed (blood is related to emotions)
    • 120 days the bone-cells have changed and you have changed permanent
    by stamping each cell with your spiritual intention.
    • 1000 days of meditation changes a monkey to a saint.

    From the Hindu Tradition (one of the sources for Sikhism) I gathered:
    The Jalandhar Bandha is a yoga position in which the neck is to be bent a little for achieving this bandh. But it should not be bent much. It is to be pressed onto the depression just as a spring is pressed with a little force.
    It has been described in Hathapradeepika in the third chapter:
    “The chin is to be pressed on the chest (heart) after contracting the throat. This bandh eliminates old age and death. The contracted veins in the throat ensure that the liquid from the skies is received here. Hence, the bandh has been appropriately known as Jalandhar Bandh, which means that it destroys any pain in the throat.
    … Who practices this bandh for six months will, no doubt, achieve siddha status.”

    I also want to emphasize that I read that this exercise should be done with eyes focussing on the tip of the nose. This will definitely be the hardest part of the entire exercise.
    I realized that it is futile to force it, but instead constructive to relax into a forceful non-resistant state of mind which allows the eyes to drift within. I did set myself from time to time a second short timer repeating itself which reminded me often to focus on the nose again.
    It has literally to do with a state of relaxed focus.

    My personal tips out of experience for you (and believe me I did resist those revelations long) are:

    My personal recommendation for you to do this exercise
    1. Build it up over a 2-3 week period increasing 1 “Wahe Guru” each time & do it properly ( sit straight and focus on the tip of the nose ) from the start.
    (It took me 2 weeks to be able to hold the breath over more than one cycle – then suddenly I had a break through and was able to meditate for as long as I could).

    You may try at this point to increase it as fast as possible, but in the likely case that it overwhelms you as it did me for 20 years. So to save you this painful time (of crisis and diseases), instead of dropping it alltogether, go for the 1000 day plan which will transform your life forever gently but much faster.
    and do following meditations DAILY.

    2. Go for 40 days  just 3 minutes ( Jesus also went for 40 days into the desert)
    3. extend the 40 days to 90 days of daily meditation
    (If you fail: Simply start again. Meanwhile you can slowly build up to 10 minutes if you wish
    This took me an entire year because I failed a few times after around 55 days)
    4. Stay with the daily practice f and extend 3 min. to 120 days (once you have done 90 days it is easy to add the last 30 days).
    Now you earned your 3 Minute-level, so you can go on to the next step:
    5. Another 120 days of 11 minutes of Sodarchan Chakra Kriya ( meanwhile build up to 21 minutes in your own time )
    Yet again – if you fail: No worries; just start again with this 11-minute-step.
    6. 120 days of 22 Minutes (meanwhile build up to half an hour). On failing: repeat this step.
    7. 120 days of 31 minutes ( intermediate- meanwhile build up to an hour).
    If you don’t succeed at first … try again (and again and again … took me 3 years alltogether)
    8. 120 days of 62 minutes (the length was measured in heartbeats not minutes)
    9. Now you can slowly build up to 1/10th of the day.
    10. 120 days of a tenth of the day. (which is 144 minutes),
    11. 120 days of 2 ½ hours  (If you fail a day then, Yogi Bhajan said not to worry.)!

    Addendum: meanwhile I did complete this program and had a crisis because I was not as enlightened as I was hoping for.
    After having loosened up my practice and having looked for other spiritual ways for a year I think the only way is to continue, because I can not judge this kriya before I have done 1000 days of 2.5 hours of it. 
    Since this is scary, I give myself a little break first.
    You can watch my realtime progress on the right side of this page.


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